Lately I’ve been really thankful for the small things in life that help me cling to the last shreds of my sanity and self-dignity.
Just now I locked my three-year-old outside and encouraged him to look for bugs and jump in mud puddles so I could sit down for a minute with an afternoon cup of coffee. And I thought to myself, I am so thankful for this coffee. What would I do without it?
I’ll tell you what I’d do. Be sad. And I’d have difficulty mustering up the gumption to make it five more hours until bedtime. So I’ve created a list of items I probably could live without, but I’d rather not try.
4. Full-fat half & half
5. Nars blush
6. Epsom salt
7. Dry shampoo
8. Curling iron
9. Childproof locks
10. Birth control
Since becoming a stay-at-home mom, I have undergone somewhat of an identity crisis. Or maybe a life crisis … I’m still unsure. The ten things I’ve listed were important before I quit my job, but now they are REALLY important.
Now I understand why, as someone who has dedicated this part of my life to serving my family, it’s so vital to cling to my SELF. I am still as much of an individual as I am a mother and a wife, but she tends to be pushed to the back burner on a regular basis. My days start with high-pitched screams or a child climbing over me saying “Mommy, Mommy, I’m hungry.” I have no choice but to deal with whatever pressing matters are at hand, all day long. Before I know it, it’s 4 p.m. This is why I lock my older one in the yard at least once a day.
I am starting to see light at the end of the dark tunnel I’ve been in since September. Things aren’t quite as impossible as they were at one point. Still difficult, but not unbearable. I think I’m starting to feel better … not quite as disoriented. Sometimes I still don’t think the reality has sunk in that I’m not going back to work and OMG I have two children.
The one thing I demand from my family and myself that my SELF not get lost in all of this. I haven’t spent 32 years on this Earth figuring out who I am, only to lose sight of that now.
Only 4.5 hours to go until bedtime. Cheers to that!