My stockpile of “I Still Just Want To Pee Alone” will be here on April 7th and I would LOVE to sell each of you a personalized copy! I mean … if you want. No pressure, because I really, really dislike salespeople a lot. Yet somehow, in the greatest act of irony ever, I married one.

Allow me to explain. I dated a lot of boys before I met my now-husband. In fact, my love life was an absolute train wreck. If you want to hear more about that, you’ll have to buy the book. After a lot of failed relationships, I met Robbie and I am fairly certain he used his sales tactics on me — but because I am so annoyed by salesmen and their pushy ways, I called him on his bullshit.

That might be the moment that we fell in love, but enough about that — let’s get back to the book.

I have been published in the sequel to the New York Times Bestseller I Just Want to Pee Alone with a slew of other talented writers.

No, it has still not sunken in.

No, I have not officially celebrated … unless you count drinking wine every night since the day I found out that my essay was selected for the book, in which case, yes. I have celebrated.

If you want to obtain a copy of this anthology for yourself or a loved one who is not bothered by irreverent humor, or even better, a new mother who needs her eyes opened to just how UN-perfect motherhood can be, I would be thrilled to send you a signed copy.

Email me at modernmommymadness@gmail.com with your name, address, and who you want the book dedicated to (if applicable). I’ll send you an invoice for $14.99, which includes shipping and handling. Once I receive payment, I’ll mail you the book! Bada-bing, bada-boom. That’s what a salesman would say.

If you are within the vicinity of Baton Rouge, I have events coming up and I would love to meet you! I’ll be sweaty and I apologize in advance. This stuff makes me nervous. Apparently even my kids know this, proven by the hand-written reminder to barf written right above the task to “order books.”

Yeah, I’ll barf alright.

And the answer is NO, I definitely did not make it to 8:30 Pilates or 9:30 Kickboxing.

If you don’t want a personalized copy (Hello — you really need one — what if I make the big time one day?! You’ll kick yourself later.), you can come back here to my blog and click the button on the sidebar that says “BUY THE BOOK!” absolutely any time you want.