I officially understand why so many women fall prey to “the mommy look.”

When I got pregnant with my first child I spent my entire pregnancy worrying that motherhood would change me. It seemed like so many mothers just looked dowdy after they had kids — was that going to happen to me?!

Well … no. Not immediately. I returned to normal pretty quickly after that kid. After my second child was born, it took a lot longer for me to return to normal – not just my weight, but returning to myself. Some of it may have been postpartum depression, or just the enormous task of adjusting to a life with two kids instead of one. Either way, it threw me for a major loop.

Now I’m almost 6 weeks postpartum after having my third child and I think this one might have done me in. I have a big tummy pooch that looks like it might be permanent, and I finally, truly, understand why someone would want to put on “mom jeans.” I feel like I have to stuff that shit somewhere … may as well be into a pair of high-waisted pants. 

Husband and I had a wedding to attend last Saturday night, which I was very much looking forward to just as an excuse to get dressed in normal clothes and get OUT. Did I know these people? No. Did it matter? No. I was PUMPED.

I went to Dillard’s with a 20 minute child-free time frame in which to shop, and started trying on dresses. For me personally, dress sizes are much more forgiving than, say, pant sizes. I usually like to shop for a new dress, but this time was different. Everything I tried on was a size 12 that I struggled to zip up. There was one dress that I was fairly certain I was going to asphyxiate in and I had a moment where I thought, “Awesome, I’m going to die in a synthetic blend.” 

I had trouble finding anything that looked appropriate for a wedding or any other occasion, for that matter. Eventually I narrowed it down, took a good hard look, and realized I was going to have to select the least-matronly one.

I felt like Barbara Bush.

After this, I got it. This is why mommies look like mommies. Finding clothes that are fashionable and fit correctly takes time. Most moms don’t have any time. I vowed right there in the dressing room to make sure I give myself time to get it together in the coming months, because I’m not going to resign to living in ill-fitting clothes for the rest of my 30’s. 

Happily, I did manage to put together a decent outfit for under $30 and I felt normal for the first time in a very long time. It was worth it to fight for myself. So I want to encourage you to also fight for yourself! Fight for time and space and those little luxuries that make your life pleasant. Even if it’s a $28 dress from the clearance rack that you might not ever wear again. You are important, and you do everyone a disservice (including your children) if you don’t act like you know it.