The other day I took all three kids to the grocery store because I’m an idiot or because I’m brave, I don’t know which. Luckily, there was a huge shopping cart made for multiple kids sitting in the parking lot, and I parked right next to it thinking to myself that I TOTALLY HAVE THIS.

Here is the picture that I posted on social media, because I totally had this. Normally people don’t post pictures of themselves NOT HAVING IT, right?

Right.

So let me tell you what happened right before this picture was taken … and you will know the truth: I so did not have this.

I put Asher in the big yellow cart first and lodged him safely behind the van. I would have wedged the cart between the van and the car next to me, but there wasn’t room and he has been known to reach over and pull on the side view mirrors of stranger’s vehicles when my back is turned.

I walked over to the baby’s side and started unbuckling her. I chatted with Maverick and gave him a cheese stick, because I was so on top of this situation that I even remembered to bring snacks. Just as I was lifting Pepper out of her carseat, Maverick walked around the back of the van and started yelling, “Asher’s rolling away! Asher’s rolling away!” 

Yep.

Just like that, my fantasy of being on top of this situation came crumbling down. There he was, about 5 or 6 parking spaces down from us, gaining speed as he rolled across the parking lot.

The next few moments are a little hazy, but I know I was running with a baby which is a terrible idea. The kind patrons of Albertson’s were throwing their cars in park and jumping out to try and stop him, and one lady finally caught him and brought him back to me and I remember her telling me “I have three kids too, but they’re all grown now … can I help you with the baby?” And she stood right there the whole time I buckled Pepper into that yellow monstrosity and I really think she wanted to escort us into the grocery store herself. I was eerily calm and she probably thought I was on something. 

I kind of wish she was right.

At this point, I think I’ve used up my entire reserve of panic mode. Now when things happen, I remain freakishly calm and it understandably confuses and upsets people — like, What is wrong with this girl?! Why is she so calm?! Well, it’s because I feel like I’ve almost seen it all in a very short amount of time. It’s like I’m shell-shocked.

After I had time to process it, it kind of cracked me up that all these people out there in social media world were under the impression that I took 3 kids to the store in a big yellow cart and it was totally awesome because I am just that kind of mom.

Nope.