Type A people are cursed. We always see everything that is still waiting to be done, and it’s exhausting. I’m not a perfectionist. I’m a workhorse. I come from a long line of industrious workhorses. Nothing makes me happier than to do something. But it’s quite tiring, really, and that is why I am sitting in front of the computer right now writing this blog — to avoid the work. 

One day, if things go as planned, I will avoid the work to such a degree that I’ll produce a book. It’s a win-win because I’m not being lazy at all. I’m doing something here … it just happens not to be laundry or dishes.

Without making it sound like I’m crazy or depressed, because I’m neither of those, I need to express that I’ve been deeply struggling over here. Like, from now on when I hear someone say they are “drowning,” I will totally get it. Drowning is the perfect word to describe the constant feeling that serious chaos or danger is RIGHT THERE ABOUT TO HAPPEN, everyone including you is hungry, and you have to pee but you’re scared to leave the room so you just bring them all with you.

I am supposed to be in charge of our family finances. I can’t even tell you what an absurd situation that is. Things (bills? important paperwork?) are piling up and I just arrange them in neat piles so the house looks orderly, because I have to have order, and then I carry on.

THAT is why I got myself a “mother’s helper,” and now I feel hopeful that I’ll at least be able to tread water again instead of drowning. My enthusiasm perhaps rattled her a bit. I wanted to jump up and run around my kitchen yelling “HOT DAMN, I’VE GOT HELP!” but instead I sat in one place in a controlled manner and motor mouthed about how excited I am.

Apparently there is a whole world that is just now opening up to me involving nannies and baby sitters and mother’s helpers. Each title carries a different amount of responsibility and pay grade. I had to do actual research to figure out what was what because I am clueless, and I still am clueless, but I’ll tell you what … I’m clueless with an extra set of hands and right now that is ALL I CARE ABOUT.

I’m not going to drown.

This makes me so happy.