The baby was growing a mullet and something had to be done.

I pondered for several days and polled a few friends who have daughters before finally deciding I could cut it myself. I have one pair of all-purpose scissors that I assumed could handle the job, and I brought them into the bathroom with us when it was time for her bath.

I don’t know how to explain what happened next without sounding completely incompetent.

I gathered up my courage, combed her hair, took aim, and began to cut. But my scissors are so dull, they couldn’t cut through her hair. I stopped and considered the situation. Would it be better to leave the jagged mess I’d created until I could acquire better scissors? I couldn’t leave her in the tub to go search for better ones. Should I forge ahead?

I always, always forge ahead.

I hacked and I hacked and the whole time it was happening I kept thinking this was a mistake, and I was a complete jackass for trying to trim my daughter’s hair for the first time with a pair of kitchen scissors. I flashed back to when Robbie gave Maverick his first at-home “hair cut” right before he turned one. Want to see what he looked like on his birthday? Of course you do.

Maverick looks depressed. I wonder why?

He was bald. I was SO UPSET. Robbie kept saying, it’s not that bad. Well, yes, it was that bad. He looked like he had cancer.

So jackass or not, Pepper and I were in this together, and eventually I chewed through the last of her mullet. The result is fine — she has a cute bob. The sides are still uneven, but I will let a professional address that issue.

Friends don’t let friends hack hair … so if you decide to take matters into your own hands, make sure you get some good scissors first. That was the one detail no one thought to mention. And if you think I should have thought of it myself, try thinking of anything when you have a swarm of children at your feet 24/7, and then get back to me.