Today I want to pay tribute to the man who has put up with me for almost 8 years now. 5+ of those years have been in holy matrimony.

I have issues. Who doesn’t? He loves me and my issues and my ridiculous wardrobe that just keeps growing and my fanaticism over cleanliness. 

The other night I was washing my face and I noticed that I’m getting fine lines. Nothing serious, but they are there. I freaked. I said “WHAT IS THIS?!” And promptly started my descent into The Pit.

He came over, wrapped his arms around me and said “of course you’re getting wrinkles. We’re going to get wrinkled together.” That made it seem sort of romantic, and now I am fine (until the next sighting).

Meet the man who is going to fund my Botox in 10 years.

Something may be wrong with me. I have been physically incapable of exercising lately. At first I thought it was just that I’ve gotten out of the habit. Then I thought maybe my immune system was low and that’s why I have no energy.

My friends asked me to run a 5k with them this Saturday. I laughed — heartily.

Then, yesterday I thought — I have the winter blues! That’s what it is. Short, chilly days make it impossible for me to exercise outside during the week. So I decided to do a workout video.

I put on my exercise clothes, put my boy to bed, moved the furniture out of the way and approximately ONE minute into my yoga DVD, I folded myself into “child’s pose” and never got up again.

Advice and tips are welcomed. I’ll be napping while you are thinking.

It has come to my attention that in order to effectively discipline a child, you must first discipline yourself.

The Toddler has started to yell at us. Loudly. First, it was just “NO!” Then it was “HUSH!” And now … it’s something that truly makes me cringe. He has learned the phrase “SHUT UP!” and he did not learn it at home. As irritated as I sometimes get at my husband I don’t think I have ever told him to shut up. Mostly because I feel that it would be ineffective.

I did once yell “F*#K YOU!” at him in front of our child, but that was a long time ago and it was a very dark day in my personal history. It was one of those moments that still makes my stomach knot up when I think about it. Luckily, the Toddler was still just an infant and therefore incapable of repeating it. Thank goodness.

We have tried different methods of discipline. We are spankers — but that form of punishment is reserved for major offenses or used as a last resort. For the past several days, we have tried to get him to stop saying “SHUT UP!” by firm reprimands, time outs, reasoning, calm reminders, and finally, spanking.

Usually spanking works. Not this time. 

Yesterday, he was spanked three times in a row for saying “SHUT UP!” By the third time, I told my husband that it looks like our child is some kind of masochist in the making. Today, the cycle began again when I picked him up from daycare. He said it and I looked at him with that crazy look I get when he does something that he knows is wrong. He immediately said “I sorry.”

He looked at me with those huge round eyes and as he mouthed “I sorry” again I wanted to just burst into tears or ignore the whole thing or tell him “It’s okay, as long as you’re sorry.” But instead I had to look him in his little eyes and tell him that I knew he was sorry, but I had to spank him anyway.

It. Sucked.

Then, approximately 10 minutes later, he did that exact thing again. And then AGAIN. During dinner. I calmly removed him from his highchair, looked him in the eye as he said “I sorry. I sorry Mommy,” and then, I spanked him. For the third time. For the second damn day in a row.

During times like these I question myself as a parent. Am I doing the right thing? Am I causing permanent damage to him or breaking his spirit or preventing him from expressing himself? He DID say he was sorry … 

The truth is, I know in my gut that even though it’s awful and I hate it, I am doing what is best for my son. There are a lot of times when I want to throw in the towel and just let things slide, but then I think about all the people I know who are obnoxious, bratty, inconsiderate, or just plain crappy and I bet it’s because their mothers were lazy.

Being a not-lazy mother is really tiring. I’m just saying.

It’s not even December yet, and I am ON IT.

The tree is up, Christmas cards are ordered, presents are arriving in the mail and I am feeling pretty proud of myself. I am owning Christmas this year. 

I might look harmless, but let me tell you … I can be hardcore when I set my mind to it. Don’t mistake my niceness for weakness.   

My husband, who I had to force into wearing this striped sweater, will back me up on this.

I have food hangover, so instead of trying to explain my holiday I’ll just SHOW you.

I made food. We ate food.

We slept, we ate some more. We drank lots and lots of Community Coffee to shake us out of our stupor. We shopped. 

It was a blur.

And then … I asked my mother to take a family picture so I can send Christmas cards out this year. 

Goodbye, Thanksgiving. It was fun.

Sad but true fact: I am sore from cleaning house.

Do you believe in kindred spirits? I do.

Here are two of my most important ones — meet my Hos. I know I shouldn’t call them that. They seem to like it though.

I LOVE these girls.

They listen to me gripe all day long, accept me when I am acting like a lunatic, and love me just the way I am. Quirks and all.

They don’t judge me … and for THAT, I am thankful. 

We all need people who love us the way that we are. If you don’t have any Hos, Bitches, or kindred spirits in your life, you better find some — and FAST.

Dear Thanksgiving,

I love you. 

Thank you,
Harmony

I have a love for all things fall and holiday-related, and a  special fondness for Thanksgiving. I love this particular holiday because of what it reminds me of and what it stands for.

My extended family and I have started a tradition of standing in a circle (holding hands — cheesy, yes, but it adds a little something) before we eat, and we all have to share what we’re thankful for. Every year, tears are shed.

It’s awesome.

Yes … my husband married into a family who loves to “share.” I always feel a little sorry for him during these types of events. He usually gets stuck holding hands with me and a random uncle. Then he has to deal with the tears, and THEN he has to “share.” 

There is something powerful in the action of speaking the words “I am thankful for ___.”  This year, I have so much to be thankful for. I have everything that I need, and wonderful people in my life. 

I’m also planning to be quite ambitious in the kitchen. Sweet potatoes are involved. Prepare accordingly.

Time for my Sunday night ritual … helping my husband with his manscaping.

It’s not what you think. Or maybe it is — who knows.

My job is threefold: 

1. making sure he didn’t miss any spots on his head when he shaved it,

2. trimming up his neck hairs,

3. and waxing between his eyebrows.

I really think I should have looked into becoming an one of those people that wax faces for a living. You know, instead of working for an insurance company.