Maternity Leave, At Last!

I am officially on maternity leave. I convinced Husband to use some of my vacation time until TWO gets here (I’m 38 weeks tomorrow). His response was, and I quote, “I’d rather you just be happy than have to listen to this every day.”


I was offended. What did he mean, “this?” But I decided it didn’t matter what he meant by this. He agreed, and I decided in that moment that was ALL I cared about. 

I worked up until delivery with ONE, but this time, I was having an almost daily problem with false labor that was making it difficult to function in an office setting. Not to mention, I wanted to scream “Shut the f#ck up, you crazy motherf#cker” to every person who called my desk. Because that is rational. And professional.

Ever since I’ve been home, I’ve been fine. I can lie down if I need to. No one is yelling at me. I do not have to check my voicemail or email or instant messages. I am not getting faxes. I have no boss. I feel much calmer, and as a result, much more prepared to welcome a new life into this world.

So what have I been doing? Well … my first act was to watch Eat Pray Love. Then I carb-binged, bought an address book, organized paperwork and am currently working on finishing TWO’s room. Here it is, a work in progress. We still have to hang some stuff on the walls. 

 Here is the view from the doorway.

I took this with my phone, okay? So no judging.

We need something to hang above the crib that isn’t dangerous.

Picture-taking really isn’t my forte. If you are reading my blog and you feel disappointment in the visual aspect, I sincerely apologize.  

Now the thing that is keeping me awake at night is the worry that TWO will come late and I will either have to go back to work, or take time off without pay. Tonight is a full moon … isn’t that supposed to bring on labor?

Speaking of labor. I finally broke down and purchased a copy of  Ina May’s Guide To Childbirth, per the suggestion of several friends who have recently given birth sans medication. Have any of you read it?! 

The birth stories scared the crap out of me. Not the pain part — I can deal with that. The WEIRD stuff. Like having your husband “nurse” you to kick-start labor. Ummm … no thank you. I also do not wish to go wandering around in the woods and hang onto trees during contractions.

Verdict: I can’t decide if Ina May is some sort of angel, or a wacked-out hippie. I am neither of those things. I’m still planning to do this thing without an epidural, though. And Husband better NOT try to “nurse” me. Thinking about that makes me uncomfortable on so many different levels. It probably makes you uncomfortable, too. So let’s just not discuss it again.

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