I believe the time has come for me to give up coffee. It depresses me just to type those words.
You see … I’m off my meds again. I despise being on Lexapro, and I despise the whole idea of being medicated so much that I refuse to try out different ones to see if another kind would work better. Overall, I just don’t think my life is stressful enough to warrant medication. I think I just need to learn to deal.
I stopped taking it a few weeks ago and … to be honest … I’m feeling like a bit of a wreck. I am not calm. I yell. I get irrationally angry at my husband and I sometimes wake up in the morning with a crushing feeling in my chest. Perhaps it’s because there is a small child on top of me, trying to pull my earplugs out of my ears. But still, I don’t enjoy the feeling.
Yesterday I texted my girlfriend, “I don’t understand why I’m so stressed out!” and then shortly after that I saw TWO eating something that looked like fuzz off the floor and when I scooped him up and started pulling on the STRANDS OF HAIR that were hanging out of his mouth, I extracted A WAD OF SOMETHING THAT LOOKED LIKE WHAT YOU WOULD PULL OUT OF THE SHOWER DRAIN. From waaaaay down in his throat. He was literally eating a hairball.
On Sunday, Husband and the boys brought me home a beautiful bouquet of roses which I proudly displayed on the kitchen table in a crystal vase we got for our wedding. Exactly one day later, I discovered that ONE had poured milk into the vase and pulled a bunch of the petals off of the flowers. He did this while I was dealing with his little brother who had been crying for pretty much two hours straight.
So that is why I’m stressed. Children.
I’m thinking that rather than spend the rest of my life medicated, I should try green tea and B-vitamins and getting rid of stimulants. Ugh … that is SO not fun. But waking up with tightness in your chest isn’t a picnic either. So I’ll be chronicling my journey here for all of you to enjoy.
Day One: I’m on my second cup of coffee.