The more weight I lose post-TWO, the more oddities I notice.

Someone needs to write an article, or a book, with tips on how to look good naked after you’ve had a few children. Over the years I have seen and read many articles on how to look good naked but I’m almost positive they were written for women who have not been stretched to the hilt. And who needs this information more than mothers?? WE are the ones who need to know how to look good naked and in some cases, clothed. We have circles under our eyes and loose skin on our stomachs and extremely sad-looking chests.

If I ever write a book, I’m going to title it My Boobs Only Look Normal When I’m Freezing Cold. And if a miracle transpires and I get a mommy makeover surgery before I write said book, I’ll title it From Lumpy Saggy to Perky Happy.  

I figure both of these titles would weed out anybody looking for an intellectual read. Because you’re not going to find it here, sister.