It’s Saturday morning. We’re tired. You can tell from the way my friend’s straps are sagging that it’s been a tough week.

TWO and I have been through hell with his teething, for good reason. Yesterday I saw four top teeth poking through, in addition to the three on the bottom that were already there. 

He’s not going to show his teeth to you. But I promise they’re in there.

I’ve just reached a new low. 

You see, I ran out of coffee. Yesterday I finished off my last bag, and I intended to borrow some from my parents because they buy it in bulk from Sam’s … surely they can spare some. 

But then I forgot to ask, and then by the time I remembered it was too late at night to do anything about it. So I went to bed kind of dreading daybreak. 

I know I was supposed to have quit coffee, and I DID QUIT, for two long days. And then I realized I simply cannot live my current life without caffeine. I just can’t. These children … my husband … the laundry … the physical strength I need to get through the day. I mean let’s be real. Nothing’s getting washed and no one is getting fed and I won’t be carting that monstrosity known as TWO around the house unless I have caffeine. Now I know how I managed to pack on 50+ pounds with each pregnancy. It was the absurd amount of carbohydrates I ate lack of coffee in my life.

Tomorrow is payday and of course we have NO money so a Starbucks run is out of the question. But suddenly the heavens opened up and I noticed that there was like 1/2 cup of old coffee left in the pot from yesterday. I got super excited, added some water, poured it over the old coffee grounds and brewed myself four cups of new-old coffee. I mean it’s not great. But it’s not horrible. 

I really do have a problem.

Next time I plan to buy in bulk.

I’ve got two things for you this morning. I’ll start with the something gross.

I’ve talked before about Husband and his eating habits and how I worry myself crazy about him. This man does not eat well. He eats like a 6-year-old boy: Pop Tarts, Coke, McDonald’s, Oreos, Lucky Charms, Fruity Pebbles, Fruit Loops, chocolate milk. I am a decent cook, seriously. Everyone else eats my food … but not Husband. I believe that a steady diet of crap has messed up his taste buds.

No, I’m not bitter.

Anyway, this is a man who gets grossed out by cucumbers. I just want to make sure you understand what we’re talking about here. So the other day, he ate this.  

This is a turkey neck. A TURKEY’S NECK. I can’t look at this, really, without feeling like I’m going to throw up. When he told me he ate this, all I could think was “WTF? You won’t eat normal food but you’ll eat this? Okay then.”

The cool and completely unrelated thing I have to share is a picture of my aunt who randomly saw Russell Brand in New Orleans and had her wits about her enough to take pictures. I found these on my phone when I was trying to figure out how to get the turkey neck picture off my phone and onto my computer.

Isn’t Russell a welcome sight after seeing that turkey neck? I don’t have anyone’s permission to post these pictures on my blog, just so you know. Let’s just hope for the best.

Last night was one of those nights that make me thankful I don’t have to squeeze myself into spanx and commute to an office this morning.

I was up from 2-4 a.m. with TWO, who is teething. All day yesterday he clung to my leg and drooled, staring up at me asking silently for me to pick him up. I ended up just carting him around the house all day because it was hard to manage the leg-clinger at the same time as the hell-raiser.

He slept fine until halfway through the night and then he started crying, only stopping when I was holding him. When I picked him up from his crib, he sagged against me with relief and put his head on my shoulder. It’s hard to get up repeatedly in the middle of the night, but when that sweet baby laid his head on me I knew that I was making it better. He needed me and I was there. I spend a lot of my day just trying to keep my head above water; there aren’t a ton of moments where I feel like I’m getting something right. 

This morning I am tired and I ran out of eye-brightening serum. This is a terrible combination. But thankfully, I don’t have to be anywhere at a certain time. Instead I get to steam mop, sweep crumbs up after every meal, answer a bajillion questions, wipe snot and take pictures of my new friend playing with the kiddos.

Don’t ever go condom shopping with a small child. 

That is all.

Meet my other new friend. I would have introduced her earlier, but she just woke up.

She’s not too fond of childcare.

I have finally accepted that my old bras are never going to fit me properly again. So … I went and got myself an industrial-strength brassiere that makes me feel kind of like Wonder Woman when I wear it. A bullet probably couldn’t penetrate this thing. 

If ever I find myself in a bad situation, I could use it as a weapon, then fashion it into an article of clothing for a small child, and then trap an animal with it. 

Meet my new friend.

Hello, there.

Watching the morning news …

Checking Facebook …

Cooking breakfast …

Helping Husband pick out a tie for work …

Not only is she supportive, but she also comes in black. You’ll meet that friend later.

I spend a lot of time on this blog lamenting the various plights I find myself in, but I just want you to know that I realize I am very, very blessed. My children are healthy and thriving, I am married to a man who understands me, I have everything I need, and my life is full of joy. 

Yes … there are problems. There are horrible days and outstanding bills and our house in Alabama has not sold yet. I have orange hair. Bad things happen. But it’s easy to keep going when you have people in your life who love you. So for that, I am thankful.

Today was awesome. I mean, it would have been even more awesome if I had a few hundred dollars lying around to go shopping with … but I work with what I’ve got. And I’ll show you how.

Pictured below is a dress I found on sale at Stage for $9.99.

On my way to the checkout, I found these earrings for $3.60. I mean seriously, they might as well give stuff away. I got an entire outfit for under $15! 

Around 2 pm I started getting lonely so I stopped by my parent’s house. They gave me a gift. It says “I childproofed my house … but they still get in.”

And finally, I turned my hair orange. This was NOT worth the $12 I paid for boxed hair dye. I’m hoping I can go to a salon after next week and actually get a real hair cut and color. This hasn’t happened in over 6 months. Maybe more. I honestly can’t recall, and that alone is a serious problem.

Fortunately there are a lot of blondes out there rocking this look so at least I’m in good bad poor decision-like company.