I haven’t been sleeping well. I blame Husband the children are too innocent to blame. Even though every night for like … days, they have taken turns messing with me at night. ONE had an accident and I had to change his sheets. TWO’s gums hurt and he wouldn’t stop crying. Or the real doozy, he (TWO) woke up screaming every hour, on the hour, from 1:30 a.m. until 5:30 a.m. 

Despite this, I can’t turn on my own children in this situation or I fear I’d lock myself in my room and tell them to make their own damn breakfast … clearly not appropriate. So I am turning my focus on Husband and blaming him entirely.

Sometime in the night, I was in a deep sleep and he (also asleep) poked me in the armpit hard enough to wake me up. I remember yelling, and him saying, “I’m SORRY!” before going back to snoring. Then, at 4:30 a.m. the baby started crying, which woke me up but then he stopped. However, Husband was snoring SO FREAKING LOUD, I couldn’t go back to sleep even after shoving my earplugs deeper into my ears. I sat up in bed and said Why are you snoring so loud, GRANDPA? Are we going to have to sleep in separate beds?” To which he replied, “ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

At 5:20 I gave up and wandered into the living room, where I encountered an empty cereal bowl (I bet that is why he was snoring so loud … dairy) and two tufts of belly button hair/lint on the floor that I thought were large spiders. I grouchily picked the tufts up. I grouchily put the bowl in the sink. And then … I found a tiny dead frog who had been stepped on, right in front of our refrigerator. That is when I had a quiet little freakout.

At some point today, Husband is going to ask me “Why are YOU so grumpy??” or say to the kids, “Mommy’s a grumpy pants.”  And I will turn to him with crazy eyes and say “YES. Yes, I am a grumpy pants. You people are TORTURING me.” And he is going to look at me with that look that says, “Women are crazy. There she goes againacting crazy.That is when I’ll direct him to this blog entry. 

My plan for the remainder of the morning: I am going on an extra-long walk as soon as the sun comes up. I hope both children are awake, yelling in his ears, and climbing on him when I return. I hope ONE is jumping on the bed and TWO has removed his diaper again and is peeing somewhere random. I hope no one is wearing pajamas. And if this is happening, I will go directly to the bathroom and take the longest, loudest shower I can muster to drown out the calls for help. 

One thought on “I WANT TO SLEEP.

  1. hahahaaa! I SO feel your pain. I also suffer from the living-with-a-snorer syndrome. And I may possibly also wish for crazy, terribly behaved children for my husband on the rare occasion when I escape from the house on my own.


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