I’m thinking of starting a new series on my blog called “First World Problems.”  

Here is my first First World Problem: my mother-in-law bought me a Groupon for three hours of house cleaning a few months ago. It was right around the time that I gave up completely on cleaning my bathrooms, so it was excellent timing. 

I have been trying to schedule an appointment with these people and finally took their “first available” opening. Because I am pregnant and everything is a big effing deal I stressed for an entire day over whether or not I should stay in the house with Asher while she cleaned, or if we should leave. Should I take what little valuable jewelry I own with me? Should I hide it? Am I being crazy? I should wash our bath rugs. Right now.  

Things of that nature.

To make a long and boring story short, the girl got in a car wreck on her way to my house and had to reschedule for today. So for the second time in less than a week, I went through the house and cleared the floor of toys, hid our important paperwork and pulled all of the towels out of the bathrooms. I crammed a few items in my purse that have value. I woke Asher up from his nap early and left the house for several hours in the pouring rain so we wouldn’t be in the girl’s way while she cleaned.

I left a key for her.

It was a car key.

Her phone was dead so she couldn’t call, and when I got home with two cranky kids I found a note with the CAR KEY I left and an apology to me that she couldn’t open my door.

My second First World problem is that I can’t back out of my driveway because I seem to have lost my ability to drive. I fully expect to get pulled over for suspected drunk driving at some point soon. Here is a conversation I had with Maverick this morning when we were leaving for school:

Maverick: “We have to be nice to the plants. It’s our job to take care of them.”

Maverick: “So is petting them with your car nice? Because you just ran through our grass and petted that bush with the van.” 

My third First World Problem is that Husband and I swapped phones and I really don’t know how to explain what has happened … except to say that every single picture I ever took with my old iPhone is now downloaded to our computer, including pictures like this.

 
 And this.

 
 And this one here.

You see … I text pictures to my girlfriends sometimes, either for entertainment’s sake, or to make a point, or because I need a helpful opinion — like this series of photos below. I asked my friend who is a scarf guru to help me tie a scarf correctly, and that explains why I have all of these pictures. Not that it’s any less embarrassing once you know the explanation.
 

I think this last one was me showing another mom what some sunglasses and a stern look can do. It frightens children, that’s what. I’m just grateful that Husband didn’t ask for an explanation for anything that he saw. I figure he either didn’t want to know, or just didn’t care. But seriously … if I found something like this on his phone, I’d have some questions.