First World Embarrassment.

My due date is a month from today. 

I woke up this morning and upon realizing the date, my heart started racing and I jumped out of bed and started doing things. As I have mentioned, if I don’t finish my to-do list before Pepper arrives, the Earth is going to open up and swallow us all. ALL OF US WILL GO INTO A BLACK HOLE. Why doesn’t anyone but me realize this?!?! That is the urgency that I feel when I think about things like organizing the laundry room cabinets.

Yesterday’s project was cleaning up the carseat, which has so far carried two of our children safely. I took it all apart and wiped it down, washed the covers, put it all back together and then put a new cover on top of the old one and some fluffy strap covers and — WHEW! — I am one step farther from being swallowed up whole. 

Ready to go!

People, nesting is a real force beyond my control. Want to know what else is? First World Problems combined with pregnancy brain, which according to my calculations equals First World Embarrassment.

This morning I decided to go to Starbucks before dropping the kids off at preschool. This is Asher’s last day of school (tomorrow is Maverick’s last day), and that means these next sweet hours of me alone in my house with the Avett Brothers playing on Pandora will be my last sweet hours alone for a very, VERY long time. Nothing could make me enjoy it more than a big cup of overpriced coffee. We may have a tight budget, but OH — I make room for overpriced coffee. 

So I put a Yo Gabba Gabba DVD in the player and off we went. I used to judge parents who allowed their children to watch too much TV and I especially judged the ones who had a TV in their car. I thought, “Can those people really not handle a 20 minute drive without TV?Well, the answer is no. No, we cannot. Because those 20 minutes of silent driving without having to answer questions like, “Mommy, do hogs eat bugs?” is just so, so SWEET. And if I am slightly damaging my children’s brains, it’s counterbalanced by the fact that my sanity is slightly improved during that drive.

I mean … look at this.

Watching Yo Gabba Gabba!

Anyway, I pulled up to the drive-thru window and handed the lady my money and this is when the First World Embarrassment occurred. She turned away to get my drink and I really don’t know what happened except that I literally am not thinking straight … I started singing (loudly) along with the Yo Gabba Gabba DVD, right there at the window, for all of Starbucks to enjoy.

“Don’t! Don’t! Don’t bite your friends!”
“Don’t! Don’t! Don’t bite your friends!”
Bite, bite, bite! No, no, no!”
“Chomp chomp chomp! Yes, yes, yes!”

Around the last stanza I realized what I was doing and immediately stopped, but the damage had already been done. So I overcompensated for my First World Embarrassment by shutting the DVD player off and making my children listen to Top 40 music instead, and therefore we returned to Maverick asking a stream of questions like “Mommy, the lady on the song said she doesn’t care. Why doesn’t she care?”

“Well … this is a band called Icona Pop. And she is just being silly, she didn’t really crash anyone’s car or throw their stuff down the stairs …” 

And, that’s a lie. 

Damnit. 

  

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3 thoughts on “First World Embarrassment.

  1. Oh how I can relate to your blogs! My due date is June 5th and I too have been panicking and also think the world is going to end if I don't get every.single.thing. done before baby girl gets here. I only have one child, but also work full time. Not that that compares to 2 children, but there is literally NO time for me at home alone. Not much longer for us and then we can have wine…which fixes everything!

    Like

  2. Pingback: Biscuits & Gravy. | Modern Mommy Madness

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