Okay … here it comes. A rant. Somewhere, right this minute, Husband is reading this and breathing a sigh of relief that it isn’t directed at him.
I am in over my head with my current life situation. This is a fact. And the way I talk about it probably makes it seem worse than it is. Maybe. No. Probably not.
But when it comes down to it, I am living the life I’ve always wanted. I have three kids, I’m home with them, and when I wished for this life before it happened, I had no idea how hard it would be. Had I known what it would actually be like, I wouldn’t have had the guts to give it a shot. People talk about exhaustion and self-sacrifice and grace and hard decisions … they tell you about those things in parenting books and articles, in blogs and conversations. You nod your head like you understand, but really, you don’t get it until you’re in it.
Even when I just had one kid, I didn’t completely get it. It took two and then three for me to look up at the sky and say “YES! I get it now! Now PLEASE make it STOP!” But it’s not going to stop, because children are relentless. That’s another word I didn’t understand fully, but now I do.
Raising children is so incredibly hard, OMG. I don’t even know where to start trying to put it into words. Admitting this does not mean I am not good at child rearing (because if I knew what I was doing, it wouldn’t be so hard), I’m not coping well (people who cope well don’t admit out loud that they are sick of their children), I’m not religious enough (because if I was, God would cure me of my daily struggles), or I don’t love my family enough (people who love their families enjoy every minute of every day with them forever and ever, amen).
Admitting that motherhood is hard certainly does not mean I need to take a pill. Believe me, if I really needed a pill, I’d take one. Those suckers work. But I feel like people constantly suggest this to me as a remedy for the hardships of mothering small children. They mean well, they really do. And honestly, if I weren’t me, and I were looking in on my situation I would suggest it as well. How does she deal with that shit?! That girl needs to take a PILL. A big one.
You know why so many moms are medicated? The demise of the village. We are isolated in an increasingly-complicated world, with rising expectations placed on everyone. It’s enough to make anyone crazy. I do not need a pill. I need help. I need support. I need to live in a village, where we can throw all of the children into a safe space and take turns watching them while the other women cook dinner.
Clearly, the only answer here is to become a polygamist.