Bitches Be Cray.

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8

Now, look.

I’m a girl’s girl. I have a lot of close girlfriends that I’m pretty sure I’d die without because I’m the kind of person who has a need to discuss. But on the whole, women are horrible creatures. The hood way to say that, because we all know I’m an expert on urban vocabulary, is bitches be *cray.   

If I were to tell you all the cray that bitches have thrown at me over the past 34 years it would bring us all down, so I’m going to avoid rehashing. Just know that I know cray. Also, for some reason random strangers have always felt like it was acceptable for them to comment on my appearance — both good and bad. I once had a lady walk up behind me at work and declare, “Oooh girl, your booty’s getting BIG!” 

I had another total stranger inform me that I “do not need to be eating all that sugar” as she watched me prepare my coffee. She did a kind of pointed stare at my hips as she said it, so I smiled and poured a few more in. 

When I was in college, I once overheard my boss tell someone “Harmony would be hot if she would just lose some weight.” I’ve had men and women comment on everything from my hair to my breasts in public, because people are rude and crazy and I am probably way too gracious to them. And it’s not just me that has to deal with this, it’s women in general. I know because I’m a girl’s girl, like I said earlier, and we discuss everything.

Today, it happened to my daughter. The cashier at Walmart said “Now look at those big ol’ hips and legs! Whew those are some fat legs!” And I smiled at her and said SHE GOT IT FROM HER MAMA, because she totally did.

Penelope Rose, 10 months old.

It sounds like a benign exchange, and it was. The lady didn’t mean anything by it. Pepper’s a baby! Of course her legs are fat, as they should be. But that moment was pivotal for me because I realized that my daughter is going to face a lifetime of comments directed at her body and her appearance, and this was just the start of it. 

Until today my attitude was kind of like, well, that’s just the way things are. People are crazy and you have no control over it – you can only control your reaction to it. But thinking about my daughter and what it’s going to feel like for her to be dissected piece by piece by people who don’t even matter, people pointing out things that she is already self-conscious about … that absolutely infuriates me. 

I don’t have control over it. I can only control how I teach her to react to it. 

How are you teaching your daughters to react? Because now I’m feeling like instead of training her to be gracious and let it roll off, I should teach her to be one crazy. ass. bitch.
 
* Cray is short for crazy. Sometimes it’s really burdensome to add that extra “z” in there. Cool people, when they speak, sound like they’ve just gotten back from the dentist. If you don’t sound like that, then I’m sorry to tell you that you’re not cool … but I have a feeling I’m not the first to say so.

8 thoughts on “Bitches Be Cray.”

  1. I think when people make comments to you about you, (hips, if she would just…, etc.) are coming from what “they” were taught and socialized that beautiful is in a girl. Including weight. Teach her both. How to apppreciate difference in people and how to go completely off on some cray bitch who gets in her face. Just sayin'.

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  2. Until my daughter was about a year old we didn't leave the house without someone literally grabbing her thighs and commenting on how chubby they were! Every. Single. Time.

    I intend to teach her that people's comments are a reflection of themselves, but it's going to be very hard. Especially when she sees her Mama going off at all those crazy people …

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  3. I LOVE YOU! Ha!
    I mean it!! …I fucking LOVE you! Lol!

    A friend posted a link on Facebook to an article you wrote (about how motherhood has transformed you into one really tough bitch!).
    WELL, let me tell ya… I was instantly ‘hooked’!

    I have just totally “blown off” my entire morning, as I couldn’t stop myself from reading one post after another… and another …and another! I kept saying to myself,
    “Ohhhhh Self”, I said, “okay, just this ONE more…”!!!

    Your writing style is SO refreshingly “REAL”. (That’s what makes it so funny. And, btw, I literally laughed out loud so many times! Thank-you for that!). You’re so “real” I feel like I know you personally! I wish we were pals! Yeah! …cuz I love “cray” people! (I totally used that incorrectly, didn’t I?)

    Additionally, even though our lives are so different (I just turned 50, have just ONE child – my ‘baby girl’… now age 13, & I’ve been a single Mama since she was 1 year old!!),
    I can still COMPLETELY relate! Your stories are about LIFE, and so they apply to everyone.

    Lastly, and also refreshing… uh, exceedingly refreshing! … As I said, I’ve read a whole lot of your stuff… and I haven’t come across even ONE grammatical error, misspelling, or otherwise poorly written content! Unbelievable! (It’s a MAJOR pet peeve of mine, and so I’m sure you understand just how incredibly irritating it is to read just about EVERYthing EVERYwhere!! UGH!).
    You are AMAZING! …in many ways.

    So happy to have ‘met’ you!
    Kind regards, Anjie

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  4. Somehow, even though I have a 4 yr old daughter, I have not thought specifically about this answer before. I’ve thought about positive body image, but not how to respond to people who might call her fat. I say own it, whether it’s true or not. As in, “If this fine piece of ass is what you call fat, then you’re damn straight.”

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  5. I think she’s adorable! Besides stranger are cray cray too! It’s amazing what some people will tell you. After hurricane Katrina we went to Baton Rouge and in the grocery store we saw our neighbors from NOLA. Then all the sudden all these teachers started joining the convo saying I shouldn’t be ideal, news flash I only needed one class to get into college. No I wasn’t going to go to school there, our school was fine they just couldn’t get food.

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