“Asher’s potty training. He sucks at it. We had to go to Target to buy him more underwear today because he keeps pooping in his pants, and Mommy refuses to wash them out. She just throws ’em away. I don’t blame her.
Anyway, she made this huge deal over the fact that he peed in the Target bathroom — OMG, it was so disgusting, he touched all over the toilet and he took off his shoes, because he’s gross — and Mommy was trying to hold me and help him put his shoes back on but he kept touching us with his potty hands. It was awful, but she said she was proud of him.
Then we got home and he proceeded to pee all over the laundry room. That made her pretty upset, so I crawled all in it for my own entertainment.
It was warm.”