A Short List of Shortcomings.

One thing starting a new year will do is make you realize your shortcomings, and I have a LOT of them. So, because I’m feeling benevolent, I thought I would put them on the internet so everyone else can feel better about themselves. You’re welcome.

I asked Robbie to help me think of things I am bad at, but he just kept shouting “IT’S A TRAP!!” and refusing to answer. So … that was helpful.

Things I Am Very Bad At:

1. Dieting.like baby carrots, freshly-squeezed juices, and cous cous. But I also like Peanut M&M’s and extra sharp cheddar cheese. I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know that my mother-in-law brought over some Chewy Chips Ahoy Birthday Frosting Filled cookies this week and I can’t be trusted to be alone with them.

2. Remembering passwords or jokes.  Some people, like my Grandpa Tillerson, have a gift for remembering a joke and delivering the punchline. I can do neither of those things. I may have a vague recollection of “a funny joke about a horse,” but that’s all I can remember … which isn’t funny. It is also not funny to really need to access your alternate Gmail account and have to jump through 679 hoops to finally get in because you can’t seem to remember the password. I hate passwords. And secret codes. And special knocks and handshakes. JUST GET TO THE POINT.  JUST SAY HELLO IN PLAIN ENGLISH. I enjoy brevity.

3. Dealing with paperwork. I have approximately 5 tall stacks of papers around my house to show as evidence that I am not the best at dealing with it. I stack it neatly, sure, but then it gets stowed away so my house can be in order. Except that my paperwork (and life in general) is so not in order.

4. Sewing. I’m just bad at it.

5. Crafting. Because basically, I hate glitter. Also, see #4.

6. Cooking meat with bones in it. I’ve never done it. No, not even once. I also can’t eat a drumstick or whatever it is you cavemen people eat. NO THANK YOU. I’ll pass.

7. Being patient with people who take too long to get to the point, like children and sometimes my husband. Just tell me what you want and I’ll tell you if I can deliver it or not. Chances are, the answer is no.

This is in no way an exhaustive list — it’s just what I felt like telling you about. So yes, that totally means I left my worst bad qualities out.

Now if you’ll excuse me, these devil cookies are calling my name.

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THE DEVIL MADE THESE.

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13 thoughts on “A Short List of Shortcomings.

  1. Glad you shared your short comings. Just wanted to share though that you could take one of those points off the table by simply spreading glitter around the house, which puts crafting into a whole entirely new category that we can all achieve. You’re welcome.

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  2. Howling here. Howling. Bless you. I cannot agree with you more. I too have stacks and stacks of very neat paperwork stacked all over my house and I am not fond of glitter (or homemade play dough for that matter). Am still gobsmacked that two friends once asked me in the same week if I’d provide daycare for their children. Were they crazy? Think of the glitter, think of the play dough, think of the crazy daycare provider! And sewing? I once sewed my daughter’s Brownie sash to my jeans whilst sewing on multiple badges. Bad mommy.
    Pass the Chips Ahoy. Thank you.

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  3. Those cookies are baddddd news. Never seen em and don’t want to! I’d eat the whole package. Also? I hate meat with bones too! YUCK. When we get those chickens from Walmart I make The Big Dawg strip all the meat off.

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