“They brought me to a FARM. Who are these people?! Ugh … can someone call me a town car? My legs are itching like crazy.

“Wait, what? There’s no town car? I’m in a chigger-infested wasteland! GOATS LIVE HERE. The man I’m sitting on is does not have royal blood, clearly I’ve been born into the wrong family, and animals are roaming freely around me.

Unacceptable, all of it. Our life, and these cheap shoes, depress me.”