It has come to my attention that in order to effectively discipline a child, you must first discipline yourself.

The Toddler has started to yell at us. Loudly. First, it was just “NO!” Then it was “HUSH!” And now … it’s something that truly makes me cringe. He has learned the phrase “SHUT UP!” and he did not learn it at home. As irritated as I sometimes get at my husband I don’t think I have ever told him to shut up. Mostly because I feel that it would be ineffective.

I did once yell “F*#K YOU!” at him in front of our child, but that was a long time ago and it was a very dark day in my personal history. It was one of those moments that still makes my stomach knot up when I think about it. Luckily, the Toddler was still just an infant and therefore incapable of repeating it. Thank goodness.

We have tried different methods of discipline. We are spankers — but that form of punishment is reserved for major offenses or used as a last resort. For the past several days, we have tried to get him to stop saying “SHUT UP!” by firm reprimands, time outs, reasoning, calm reminders, and finally, spanking.

Usually spanking works. Not this time. 

Yesterday, he was spanked three times in a row for saying “SHUT UP!” By the third time, I told my husband that it looks like our child is some kind of masochist in the making. Today, the cycle began again when I picked him up from daycare. He said it and I looked at him with that crazy look I get when he does something that he knows is wrong. He immediately said “I sorry.”

He looked at me with those huge round eyes and as he mouthed “I sorry” again I wanted to just burst into tears or ignore the whole thing or tell him “It’s okay, as long as you’re sorry.” But instead I had to look him in his little eyes and tell him that I knew he was sorry, but I had to spank him anyway.

It. Sucked.

Then, approximately 10 minutes later, he did that exact thing again. And then AGAIN. During dinner. I calmly removed him from his highchair, looked him in the eye as he said “I sorry. I sorry Mommy,” and then, I spanked him. For the third time. For the second damn day in a row.

During times like these I question myself as a parent. Am I doing the right thing? Am I causing permanent damage to him or breaking his spirit or preventing him from expressing himself? He DID say he was sorry … 

The truth is, I know in my gut that even though it’s awful and I hate it, I am doing what is best for my son. There are a lot of times when I want to throw in the towel and just let things slide, but then I think about all the people I know who are obnoxious, bratty, inconsiderate, or just plain crappy and I bet it’s because their mothers were lazy.

Being a not-lazy mother is really tiring. I’m just saying.

It’s not even December yet, and I am ON IT.

The tree is up, Christmas cards are ordered, presents are arriving in the mail and I am feeling pretty proud of myself. I am owning Christmas this year. 

I might look harmless, but let me tell you … I can be hardcore when I set my mind to it. Don’t mistake my niceness for weakness.   

My husband, who I had to force into wearing this striped sweater, will back me up on this.

I have food hangover, so instead of trying to explain my holiday I’ll just SHOW you.

I made food. We ate food.

We slept, we ate some more. We drank lots and lots of Community Coffee to shake us out of our stupor. We shopped. 

It was a blur.

And then … I asked my mother to take a family picture so I can send Christmas cards out this year. 

Goodbye, Thanksgiving. It was fun.

Sad but true fact: I am sore from cleaning house.

Do you believe in kindred spirits? I do.

Here are two of my most important ones — meet my Hos. I know I shouldn’t call them that. They seem to like it though.

I LOVE these girls.

They listen to me gripe all day long, accept me when I am acting like a lunatic, and love me just the way I am. Quirks and all.

They don’t judge me … and for THAT, I am thankful. 

We all need people who love us the way that we are. If you don’t have any Hos, Bitches, or kindred spirits in your life, you better find some — and FAST.

Dear Thanksgiving,

I love you. 

Thank you,
Harmony

I have a love for all things fall and holiday-related, and a  special fondness for Thanksgiving. I love this particular holiday because of what it reminds me of and what it stands for.

My extended family and I have started a tradition of standing in a circle (holding hands — cheesy, yes, but it adds a little something) before we eat, and we all have to share what we’re thankful for. Every year, tears are shed.

It’s awesome.

Yes … my husband married into a family who loves to “share.” I always feel a little sorry for him during these types of events. He usually gets stuck holding hands with me and a random uncle. Then he has to deal with the tears, and THEN he has to “share.” 

There is something powerful in the action of speaking the words “I am thankful for ___.”  This year, I have so much to be thankful for. I have everything that I need, and wonderful people in my life. 

I’m also planning to be quite ambitious in the kitchen. Sweet potatoes are involved. Prepare accordingly.

Time for my Sunday night ritual … helping my husband with his manscaping.

It’s not what you think. Or maybe it is — who knows.

My job is threefold: 

1. making sure he didn’t miss any spots on his head when he shaved it,

2. trimming up his neck hairs,

3. and waxing between his eyebrows.

I really think I should have looked into becoming an one of those people that wax faces for a living. You know, instead of working for an insurance company. 

I am extremely grouchy. I’m sure it’s hormonal. I was mean to my husband for no reason this morning. He didn’t even have a chance to do anything to warrant meanness. 

Poor guy.

To cheer myself up, I am going to focus on positive things (and not the fact that I just baked chocolate chip cookies and ate four of them).  

1. I bought a new rug for my foyer and I really like it. I got it at Walmart! They’re really stepping up their game.

2. I discovered a new wine that is SUPER cheap and really tasty. Actually, Courtney at howdoyoufoldafittedsheet has been telling me about it for awhile and I just got around to giving it a try.  

Lucky Duck Malbec. YUM! You can see my cookies in the background … minus four.

And lastly …

3. THANKSGIVING IS COMING! My favorite holiday. I’m all fattened up and ready to go.

I started my Christmas shopping on November 17th. This marks the earliest day ever for me to start my shopping. Generally I always intend to start early but never do. Lack of funds and procrastination always stand in my way.

This year, I have big plans. I’m going to do it RIGHT. For once.

Today my attempt at potty-training my toddler was a failure. Probably because I’m not feeling great and he isn’t either. It was fun (I guess?), but after FIVE accidents and ZERO pee-pees or poo-poos in the potty I decided to give up and try again another day when he isn’t coughing with a low grade fever.

He’s napping now.

I should too.