Always Original.

It has been FAR too long since I’ve done a “Things That Make Me Happy” post. Today’s the day to make that right.

I finally have a daughter to dress however I want, but because I’m always short on time (and money) she normally ends up wearing stuff from Target. Which is fine. But … you know. It’s not fab. So, when an old friend contacted me and asked if I would be interested in putting her clothes on Pepper, I said YES. PLEASE HELP US.

Elly Belly Style by Melissa is couture clothing for children. Note: I just looked up the definition of “couture” to make sure I was using it correctly, because this is unfamiliar territory. I’m a T.J. Maxx-er and a bargain hunter, and has always mistakenly assumed that “couture” was synonymous with “overpriced, frilly shit.” Now I am more educated and I know that it just means it’s the only one like it out there, and it doesn’t have to be overpriced or frilly. Who knew?! (Not me.)

Melissa asked me to take Pepper’s measurements, and it’s a shame no one has that footage on camera. Have you ever measured a wiggly 16-month-old? I don’t recommend it. It’s hard — way harder than dealing with tights or pigtails. I definitely broke a sweat and stress-ate a bag of M&M’s when we were done.

Based on the info I gave her, she created this adorable Halloween-themed dress and the panel (which is the part with the characters on it, I learned) was created exclusively for Elly Belly customers. The dress is made from organic, European fabrics, and don’t tell Melissa I said this, but when I opened the envelope and pulled out the dress it smelled so good I buried my face in it. Weird? Yes. I don’t get out much, you know.

Wanna see the dress?! Of course you do!

20141017_094116 20141017_094123 20141017_094223 20141017_094445 20141017_094446 20141017_094452 544924_10203299178420066_8006976742753994307_nYes, it says “LET IT GHOOOOOOOOOST!” That made me laugh. Pepper loves playing with the shiny ruffle around the bottom and got upset when I finally took the dress off her.

If you are interested in seeing more amazing creations from Melissa, you can find her on Facebook!


So Many Questions.

This advertisement from Soma was in my inbox today. Can someone please explain to me how a bra can be “age-defying?”


The arrow was added by Harmony.

I clicked on the link because I wanted to learn more about this magical undergarment, but it was already sold out. So … does it work?! Is that why there aren’t any left? DAMN IT.

I am now in search of age-defying panties and hats. See you on the flip side.

Mom Suit Monday.

Yesterday I tried on my new bathing suit so Robbie could see it.

He studied me for what seemed like forever before he said, and I quote, “Hmmm.

I then explained why THAT is why women get frustrated with men. If I walk out in a bathing suit, whether I look God-awful or not-too-awful, you absolutely cannot say “Hmmm.” You must find one thing that you like about what you see, and say that thing out loud. For example, “I like your shoulders in that bathing suit. You look nice.


He said the reason why he didn’t say anything is because he wasn’t thinking anything. How can this be?! I will never understand. Just like he will never understand how I think about five different things all at the same time. It must be nice to look at someone wearing a dresskini and think absolutely nothing. How can someone not think anything when faced with that?! IT’S CALLED A DRESSKINI, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

I submit that he is lying.

He wanted to know why I can’t just wear a bikini. My facial expression must have led him to follow up with, “You could always get one of those see-through cover up thingies.” And you know, he might be onto something. Is it better to wear a total mom suit, or just rock it in a bikini with some sort of cover up? It’s not like I’m going to look like a fitness model either way, and trying to use the bathroom with a one-piece on really sucks.

As I stood there in gripped in spandex ruffles, I told him I’m trying to be practical. As far as wrangling kids in the pool, I don’t think a bikini’s going to work. Someone, somewhere, would see something they would never be able to un-see. But if he takes me on a vacation … or sends me to a magical spa where a thousand tiny hands can beat the cellulite off me … or to a surgeon to make miracles happen … I will consider it.

Until then, a mom suit it is. And possibly a wide-brimmed hat.


Thank Goodness For …

… things that make me happy. Because without them, I would be one miserable bitch.

A yucky bug has been loitering in my household and nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is easy when the snot of four people is involved. Check, please!

Today I visited my gynecologist for a checkup. I’m 14.5 weeks pregnant with my third child so I don’t know why I expect something miraculous to happen this time around, and, I don’t know … maybe not gain an absolutely insane amount of weight!?

Note to self: don’t wear these next time I have to get on a scale.

I tried to look really nice because I don’t get out much. I put a lot of thought and effort into my “I might be having my third baby, but I can still work it” look. But. I made a grave miscalculation and wore the heaviest pair of shoes I own. I made a late afternoon appointment. I DECIDED TO HAVE A BABY. These factors were all working against me today … aaaaand, I’ve gained a whole lot of weight. Like a pound for every week of pregnancy. 

I kind of freaked out in front of my doctor and she laughed. She patted me. She said it’s fine. She offered to re-weigh me and waited while I removed my boots which turned out to weigh two pounds. So I’m two pounds less fat than I thought, which is still … fat.

Anyway, thank goodness for things that make me happy. I have some absolutely amazing friends who send happy little things in the mail and I don‘t think they even know how much those little things mean. They are proof that I’m more than just a mommy. I’m still myself. 

Here are the things that made me happy today:

My friend Amy made this amazing gift for Husband and I. It’s in this cool red frame and for now it’s sitting right above our computer. I cried when I opened it … because as you know, our hearts ARE in Baton Rouge.

Also, my friend Anca mailed me this fantastic necklace she found on Etsy and I literally want to wear it every day. And the orange purse is something I found when shopping with my friend Jamie a few weeks ago. It‘s loud and orange and holds a ton of stuff.

Apparently, I do everything in a BIG WAY … including pregnancy weight gain. I try to eat healthfully, I stay active running after ONE and TWO, and I’m certainly not going to deny myself chocolate. So if I have to be a fattie fatterton, I’ll be a fattie fatterton. I’m going to wear my fabulous necklace and carry my fabulous purse and stomp around in those fabulous boots as long as I can pull them on over my fattie fatterton legs, and at the end of it all I’ll have a healthy baby, lose the weight, and move on with my life.

Meanwhile, I reserve the right to complain about it. 

NP Set.

Y’all know when I discover something that has changed my life, I have to share it immediately so it can change yours too. May I present … NP Set eyeliner. $15 at Target, last week’s big splurge and worth every penny.

If I had real money to spend, I am sure I would have discovered something more fabulous by now at Sephora or some such … but alas. I don’t have money to spend, and therefore I normally settle for Cover Girl cosmetics. I like to line the insides of my eyelids – upper and lower – and I struggle with keeping it on all day. In my former life, I used Laura Mercier which is fabulous and I loved it until I could no longer justify it, which brings me to the point I’m at now. Anyway, I found the $15 eyeliner and splurged … I picked a very dark brown called “Mexico City” and I literally hugged her skinny little body when I realized she had magical powers. 

Please forgive what you are about to see. It’s been a very long day. I applied the eyeliner at 8:00 this morning. These pictures were taken at 6:45 p.m., in my child’s bathroom during bath time. I am nothing if not a multi-tasker.

It’s still on.

It’s still there.

I am so happy.

I am not very good at taking pictures to prove a point, so you’re just going to need to accept this as truth and go get you some.

Excellent Find.

As a girl who struggles to find jeans that fit properly, I feel it is my duty to share these with you.

Gap sells these. 1969 “Curvy” Bootcut Jeans. Worth every penny. They aren’t too low, not too high (mom jeans still aren’t cool — sorry), and they cover the belly pooch. AND, they don’t gap at the back!!! AND, they stretch!

My parents picked these out for me and gifted them to me for my birthday. ONE keeps calling them my “pajama jeans” … maybe because I don’t want to take them off. And I could sleep in them, if I wanted to.

Afraid of the Dark.

ONE is afraid of the dark. I just spent the past hour trying to convince him that ghosts and monsters aren’t real, and they certainly are not in our house. Thanks a lot, Halloween.

So now that I’m in the market for a super-sized nightlight, I thought I would share a few that I will NOT be purchasing. 


Really, Land of Nod? Do you really think this owl is going to make kids feel safe? It’s creepy.

And this one, from the same company. Would you like to know what it’s called? The “Gnome Alone Nightlight,” that’s what. 

No thank you.

And finally, I leave you with this: the headless hockey player. I can just imagine my kid staring at that while he’s trying to go to sleep.


Disclaimer: here is yet another boring mommy post. I know … I know.

I found it. The answer to my problem. “Leggies” in combination with the swing. This product line called The Woombie has been a Godsend. I feel like I am going to break us just trying to get the colic under control.

I guess I’d rather be poor than crazy.

Yesterday, the mailman brought me the “leggies” I ordered in my latest purchase of desperation. They offer the benefit of being swaddled, but the legs are cut out so we can strap him into the swing, the car, etc. $26 was a small price to pay for hope. I HOPED IT WOULD WORK. And it did! This marks the first evening in recent history where there wasn’t constant crying.

The downside: TWO didn’t want to go to bed until midnight, apparently from napping so well in his new Hannibal Lecter outfit. Also, he doesn’t seem to enjoy the new hypoallergenic formula I put him on. Okay, I’ll be honest. He hates it. He EATS it, slowly, with a look of disgust on his face.

Well, I’m sorry TWO, but Mommy is losing her mind. So you’re going to have to get used to eating that shit that cost me an arm and a leg. 

And I mean that in the nicest possible way.