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 Here’s a summary of my weekend:

1. I purchased this dry shampoo for $8.99 at Target. I can’t wait to try it! I have a feeling it will be a life changer … much like the discovery of earplugs.

2. After searching for three hours (!!!) at several department stores for a new bra, I finally broke down and went to Motherhood Maternity, home of the $50 bra, where the nice lady measured me and kindly gave me my “correct size.”

3. My “correct size” can only be purchased at specialty stores.

4. It also starts with the letter “F,” as in, “FAT chance you’ll get out of this without looking like one of those National Geographic women.”

5. We watched the movie Shutter Island. DO NOT watch this movie if you are pregnant, or have children. It was awful.

6. All I can think about is my freakishly large chest, and that horrible movie.

7. I managed to get off my ass and make a batch of tuna salad. This marks the first thing I’ve cooked from scratch in exactly three weeks.

8. It’s entirely possible that I’ll eat all of it by myself.