When I am sleep-deprived, I tend to make questionable decisions. This may involve anything from wearing a terrible outfit in public (these pants aren’t too tight … they don’t show my crack … do they? I’m sure it’s fine …) to something more serious like choosing to skip a final exam in college because I was too. tired. to. get. up. Tired, not hung over. I wish to clarify this.
At this point in my life, I am in a constant state of sleep deprivation. The other day I spent 10 minutes sitting in my driveway trying to figure out how to plug my GPS into the car charger. I have had this GPS for months. Charged it numerous times. Finally I turned off the car, brought it inside and demanded angrily at Husband to please show me how it plugged in, because clearly it was his fault that I couldn’t figure it out.
Two months ago, the idea of attending a midnight movie premiere sounded FUN, like something a girl who had just had a baby would love to do. In reality, it was pure torture. I put both kids to sleep, changed out of my jammies and chugged a 5-Hour Energy drink. I decided to use a mantra: TAP INTO YOUR TWENTIES. TAP INTO YOUR TWENTIES. Because there was a span of time in my life where I slept very little and still managed to function in the daytime, thanks to
crack a whole lot of energy drinks.
My friend (also a mom) and I had to give ourselves a major pep talk just to make it through the previews. I felt old. I felt really, really old. But … we did it. We made it through the fourth installment of the cheesiest movie series EVER. I made it home and got in bed at 3 a.m. which did not make me feel like I was living some sort of exciting life. It made me want to slit my wrists.
Lest you think I didn’t actually go out and do this stupid thing, here is proof in photo:
What’s that? You want to know what we’re drinking? It was called a Breaking Dawn. That’s right. It was the $5 special. And yes, I was definitely holding up my lanyard for the photo. We were VIP. That stands for Very Important Person.
Guess what I got to take home with me?! A shirt with a big ol’ J on it. My swag bag had an “E” shirt in it, and I swapped it out. I felt like an idiot the entire time the swapping process was going down, but I figured I had the lanyard around my neck and I was in a theater when I wanted desperately to be asleep, so I may as well get the right t-shirt.
Four hours of sleep and a pot of coffee later, I decided it would be the perfect time to shop online for Christmas presents. A big apology to my entire family for the items they will receive from us this year, because I have no idea if they are AWESOME or TERRIBLE. What I find the funniest about all of this is the fact that Husband had nothing to do with any of it, yet his name will be front and center on every one of those gift tags.