Would You, Could You, On A Train?

Yesterday, the baby screamed for two hours straight in the middle of the day. My mother pulled me aside and said she didn’t understand how I have been doing this. I said I didn’t know either. Then she said something about God’s help, and she’s right — that is the only answer I can come up with. The Good Lord and a cocktail.

So … I have decided to put Husband on a train and send him back home on the 26th without us.

It’s pretty depressing because my 32nd birthday is the 26th and he will have to leave before the sun comes up in order to catch said train, but I am not ready to leave Louisiana. He is going to miss my birthday celebration. We are going to miss him. But I just can’t go home yet.

I start crying every time I try to verbalize how much I need to be around my support system, i.e. my family. Stupid me. I should have come down here right after TWO was born and just camped out. But instead I have been trying to tough it out on my own, and I have made it this far, but I don’t know if I can go on. I guess I have no choice, but I just want a tiny break. Just a few days. 

One of my friends asked if my parents are okay with me staying here for an unknown period of time, with my kids, because if she were to do that to her mother with “a baby who screamed all the time,” her mom would definitely “send them packing.” Which prompted me to ask my mother over coffee this morning if she was going to “send us packing.”

She said no. Then she asked how long we’ll be staying. I said not to worry. We’ll go home eventually.

I think.




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