I have a group of girlfriends that I talk to almost every day via Facebook chat. We all know each other from college, back before any of us were concerned with forehead wrinkles or preschools. We were just trying to get a husband back then. Or maybe that was just me?
Anyway, all four of us are now stay-at-home moms with completely different ideas, husbands, and standards of living. I can honestly say that these women, along with my local YMCA membership, saved my sanity when I was in that horrible, dark, sleep-deprived place after TWO was born.
Recently we had a semi-confessional going where we blurted out our deep, dark mommy secrets like “I haven’t cleaned my baseboards since August, and even then Merry Maids did it for me.” And we laughed at ourselves.
So many women think that they have to be perfect. Especially once they have children. But it’s comical, really, because everyone knows that no one has perfect lives, perfect children, or perfect husbands. NO ONE. Motherhood and womanhood in general is messy. Let’s not try to lie about it.
In the spirit of honesty, here are some of my confessions:
1. I have never, ever cleaned my refrigerator. Ever. I mean, I throw away the old food … but I have never removed all of the contents to give it a good scrub-down. And I don’t plan to.
2. I haven’t a clue how to clean my stove. It’s a self-cleaning stove. So I assume I don’t need to? But there is food and ashes in there. It confounds me.
3. All of our bathrooms smell like pee and I can’t seem to locate the source. I live with three males (one still in diapers) and I am concerned that if I don’t address this situation with a quickness, I am going to end up being the person with the piss-smelling house. HELP.
4. I have a garden tub that I love to soak in. It’s always dirty. I just look away and climb right in.
5. Our shower hasn’t been cleaned since August 2011 and Merry Maids did it that time.
6. I’ve become very lax about shaving my legs.
7. I have never in my life made a pie. Or used a pizza stone. And we got one for a wedding gift going on 8 years ago. Something about it intimidates me. Why? I do not know.
8. I have no idea how to care for any kind of plant.
9. Vaseline has been my go-to product for years. I use it for EVERYTHING: scrapes, dry heels, my hands and face, my children’s faces, getting grease off of little hands, rubbing on stuck zippers, getting stubborn makeup off. I’d bathe in the stuff if I could. It’s cheap and it’s amazing.
10. I’m weaning myself off of Lexapro. Now that I’m getting normal amounts of sleep, I feel like I can handle life again. It might be a mistake. We won’t know until I’m off of it. My husband has been instructed to alert me immediately if I start acting crazy.
11. Nothing in life has made me as happy as being a mother. Nothing.