To The Poor Girl Behind the Starbucks Counter on College Drive,
This morning I overslept by one hour, broke the zipper on my jeans because I am in denial over the fact that my ass is still too large to fit into them, and rushed out of the house without having time to drink my coffee.
Because of these reasons and more, I thought I was having a bad day. I was running late. I wasn’t thrilled about my outfit. I hadn’t had my coffee.What I needed, I decided, was a venti latte with an extra shot.
I pulled into Starbucks only to find that the drive thru was closed. I was forced to turn off the car and actually use my legs to walk inside the building, and felt sorry for myself the whole way in.
That’s when you greeted me by saying, “Good morning! Just to let you know, our hot water is not working and the only drinks we can offer this morning are frappucinos.” I laughed, thinking surely you were joking, but as it turned out you were quite serious. No brewed coffee, no espresso. Nothing but those awful frappucinos.
I grugingly agreed to buy one since I was desperate and running late. As I waited I listened to you repeat your greeting over and over again to a line of pissed off people and that is when I realized that you were having a much worse morning than I was having. Hell hath no fury like a line of coffee addicts who haven’t had their morning fix.
Good luck to you, you poor, unfortunate girl. I’d take dozens of poop diapers over having to deal with that all day.