So I’ve learned a new Husband trick that I thought might be helpful to those of you who are married to men who are really terrible at knowing what to say when you seriously need them to SAY SOMETHING.
Monday was a terrible day, a day so bad I can’t even bring myself to blog about it. I hit a major low in motherhood. Sometimes the “knowing what to do” part of parenting is so hard it takes my breath away. It’s like being stranded somewhere, alone. No directions.
So I did something I almost never do: I locked myself in the bathroom and called Husband crying. I told him what was going on and he was silent. Nothing. Nada.
I said thank you very much for listening, which he had done well, and hung up. Later I realized I was really upset with him for not saying anything to me at all, when I was in my darkest hour. I tell myself over and over again not to call him when I’m upset and need someone to talk to, because I am well aware that this is not his area of expertise. But both unfortunately and fortunately, he is my PERSON. My go-to. My best friend and partner. Both unfortunately and fortunately, he is the one I am always going to call first when some shit is going down.
The problem is, he never knows what to say. I think it scares him when I cry, and maybe even when I need something from him that requires that he speak. I think the fear of saying the wrong thing and making a bad situation worse just paralyzes him.
So the trick I learned, which I shall be using from now on, is to text instructions ahead of time. After I realized that what I needed most on that horrible day was support from my Husband, I informed him via text that I needed a pep talk and he had 4 hours to prepare something to say. He had the whole remainder of the afternoon to think of something.
It worked out well. I will definitely be using this method in the future. Or at least until Husband learns how to give supportive feedback on the spot, which may be awhile. One thing I can say about that Husband, he loves me and he will never stop trying to make me happy. I love him so much for that.