Today when I dropped you off at school, it was hard. Almost as hard as the first time I dropped you off anywhere. You don’t know why I hugged you so tight. You just smiled up at me and said “Bye, Mommy!” And when I lingered in the hall, you peeked out of the classroom and stared with big round eyes. You’re used to me just walking away and not looking back, but today I stood there for a moment not wanting to leave.
It shook me down, this unspeakable thing. I can’t stop thinking about it. I wake up in the night and tiptoe into your room and then your brother‘s room and watch each of you sleep and think about how blessed we are. So far, true evil hasn’t touched us. One day, it might. All we can do is keep moving forward.
So I did. I walked out of your school building and held TWO’s hand all the way to the car. And then we drove away.
You don’t know about the evil of the world yet; you’re still trying to figure out why you aren’t allowed to say the word “idiot.” You don’t know what happened in Connecticut on December 14th. One day you might hear about it, but right now is not the time.
Sometimes unspeakable things happen. By the time you are old enough to read this letter, who knows what kinds of horrible things we will have seen and heard. But the world has a lot of good in it, ONE. A lot of love. Our house is full of love. Our friends and family’s homes are full of love. It’s our job to love people and spread the good. But — there is also evil out there. It’s always been, and it always will be. I can’t shield you from it entirely, but I can sure as hell try.
What I want for you and your brother and your little unborn sibling more than anything is for you to show each other love. And go out there into the world with its good and its evil and love other people. I don’t expect you to change the world, but by loving yourself and loving others, YOU WILL CHANGE IT.