I have several friends in their 30’s who are at a crossroads regarding whether or not to have children. While I am pregnant with my third child and am slowly being buried under snot and poop, they are leading very respectable lives with their mates. Good jobs, nice, clean residences, two dependable cars, nights out, or quiet nights in with no disturbances.
I can understand the hesitation. Having reached adulthood, finally doing whatever it is they were aiming to do with their lives … why would they mess it all up with a life-sucking baby?! Children are so very unpredictable. There is no way to map out the scars your body might bear, or your relationships for that matter. It’s a scary thing, childbearing. All of it is scary. I STILL don’t like to dwell on the fact that somehow THREE will have to get out of me in a few months. There are some things best put out of your head until the time comes.
Plainly speaking, children are terrifying. They don’t care what kind of grades you got or where your degree is from. They don’t give a shit if you’re having a bad day or if you are tired. Parenthood is a level playing field. You can read books and take classes and try and try to prepare yourself, but when it comes down to it, nothing is going to prepare you. It’s just a thing, like marriage, that you have to jump into and kind of hope it all turns out okay.
So what do I say to my girlfriends? Just because I love being a mom, doesn‘t mean this life is right for everyone. A friend sent me this article today entitled “That Baby Wants To Break You Up,” and everything the author says is so true, OMG. Every word. I highly recommend you take a gander. Husband and I often feel like our children are trying to demolish our marriage — but there is something to be said for learning how to work as one and protect your relationship from your own children.
So yes, it’s hard. By far the hardest thing I have ever done. So why do I encourage my friends, who I think would have super-cute babies and be wonderful mothers, to procreate? Because of this:
I just had to stop typing twice during this blog entry to go check on TWO, who was fussing in his crib. I was annoyed that my train of thought was interrupted. Doesn’t he know I’m busy?! I just sat down! Hellooo …
But when I walked into his room and his face lit up with that dimpled grin, my annoyance vanished. I picked him up and he laid his head on my shoulder, wrapped his arms around me, and happily kicked his legs. You can’t know what it’s like until you experience it yourself, but I would trade my former, childless life a million times over for this one: the one filled with tears, crumbs, and constant interruptions.
|I asked Husband to take a “belly shot” of me and ONE rushed over to help. No, ONE, my actual belly doesn’t need to show … but thank you for your assistance.|