Low Point.

Sometimes motherhood is BULLSHIT and I think it’s important for someone to say this. There are plenty of warm and fuzzy moments and teachable moments and times when you feel like you have really done something good with your day.

But then there are other days that just suck. From beginning to end, they suck. Occasionally this can drag out for weeks. Sucky day after sucky day with little glimmers of warmth and fuzz thrown in. I am currently in the midst of a sucky MONTH.

We’ve all been sick, one right after the other. Husband and I are bickering. The kids are cranky. No one is sleeping well. ONE woke up with a massive nosebleed – it looked very much like he slaughtered an animal in his sleep – and at almost the exact same moment we were dealing with that, we found TWO in his bed stark naked. He stripped off his pajamas and diaper himself and was just hanging out, waiting for someone to retrieve him.

It’s raining and we are on our last $20 until payday. The kids are out of school for the Mardi Gras holiday and I don’t feel like being fun and creative and thinking of cool things to do. You want to know what I feel like doing? Locking myself in the bathroom for 12 hours.

Thankfully, Husband is being really good-natured about my hormonal episodes. Yesterday morning around 9:30-ish I finally had one kid asleep and the other one was with my in-laws and I announced that I was going to take a nice long shower. Husband said “okay” and proceeded to follow me into the bathroom … OH NO YOU DON’T. 

I proceeded to screech at him about how I just needed time to myself and I wanted nothing to do with anyone and he got his feelings hurt (understandably) and went into the living room. A few minutes later I started to feel guilty and went to apologize. I walked in to find that he had shut all of the blinds and curtains in the house and it was really dark and cave-like which instantly put me in an irrationally bad mood. I walked up to him and said, “I was coming to apologize for being mean to you, but then I saw that you shut all the curtains and that made me mad at you againso I no longer wish to apologize.

And then I walked away. 

Surely at some point things will start to improve. I realized just how low we had sunk when I showed him my lump, which might be a hernia, and he seemed to mistake it for a booty call. No, that‘s actually my intestines. Perhaps we can try to reclaim our romance once my INNARDS HAVE BEEN SEWN BACK IN.

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