Full-Body Varicosity.

I know you have all been waiting on the edge of your seats, but the suspense is over – I do not have a hernia.

I have an issue with one of my ligaments, round ligament varicosity, to be exact.  It mimics a hernia. Joke’s over, ligament. I know what you are, and you are not my intestine. I hope you had fun watching me freak the FREAK OUT.

I actually think I have full-body varicosity. I have diagnosed myself with this (made-up) condition because all of my veins are big and blue and sticking out in places they shouldn’t be. It’s an unsightly problem, but what a relief to learn that is my issue … and not innards escaping.

I told Dr. Boudreaux two things yesterday during my appointment: I think my entire vaginal area is rebelling (“No more babies, you bitch!” is what it’s telling me), and, I love her. She is such a great doctor, OMG. Like I think we could be friends outside of the doctor’s office. I feel a bond with anyone who has taken the time to me at length about my hoo-ha. My old doctor would never have indulged me and stated aloud in the exam room that my vagina cannot actually decide to “rebel,” because it doesn’t have a mind of its own.

She would have given me a well-deserved blank stare.

I love a health professional who will bring it down a level and be funny for a minute. I know they are rushed, but my OB never makes me feel like I’m being brushed aside. I give her 5 stars. Now … let’s get through the next 120 days, and get this baby out of me so my varicosities can go away.

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