Desperate.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I could be coping better, but I don’t really know how to cope any better than I already am, so I bought myself a book — Desperate: Hope For The Mom Who Needs To Breathe.


People kept talking about it so I figured it was worth a shot. I haven’t finished the whole thing yet, but so far I think it’s just what I needed. 

Because I am a person of action, I immediately put some of the ideas into practice — adapting them to my life and personality, and to my kid’s personalities. This book affirmed what I already know to be true: being a mom of small kids is brutal and it eventually gets better, but in the meantime it’s up to ME to keep MY shit together. So whatever I need to do to make that happen … I just need to do it.

I’ve been proactively taking charge of my life and trying to make our situation work for us, and it’s helping a lot. Husband and I are struggling to find our footing as we adjust to having a family of five. I’ll have weeks when I feel like I can totally handle my three kids, and weeks when I am worn so thin I feel like I can’t possibly deal with being a mom for one more minute. An important piece of the puzzle for me is camaraderie and support from women in my life. I love my husband, but expecting him to be my every source of emotional support is unfair. He’s my best friend, but he’s not my girlfriend — and we like it that way. 

This week I was sinking into an emotional pit of despair where I felt like no one understands me or what I’m dealing with and all of this is just TOO HARD, OMG. It was a full-on pity party that I couldn’t put an end to. So in a desperate attempt to feel understood, I texted my girlfriend a long tirade of desolate thoughts.

And this is why I need my girlfriends, each one. I’m paraphrasing here, but basically she acknowledged that what I’m (we’re) doing is hard. She also told that I needed to pull myself out of my hole and buck up, because it’s warrior time. It won’t always be like this, but right now it is, so ARMOR UP. And I thought, yes. No one will ever fully understand what my days are like, and that is okay. I don’t think what I need most is to be completely understood. 

What I actually need most, as it turns out, is for someone to help me put my armor back on when it’s falling off.

One thought on “Desperate.

  1. Sometimes we also need to hear that our hair looks awesome in that picture (and yes, I mean you) and that a shred of our former selves and lives still shines through.

    Thanks, I need that book too 🙂

    Like

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