So, I’ve decided that it’s us and not them.
Meaning, the things that happen here. The ridiculous, ridiculous goings-on of the Hobbs household. It’s mine and Husband’s fault, not the kid’s. Many times we have looked at each other in amazement and said aloud, “Why do these things keep happening?!” Or, “Man … that kid … “
Well, the plain truth is, Robbie and Harmony Hobbs are the kind of people who do stupid, weird, and irresponsible things and then, strangely enough, stupid and weird things happen.
I came to grips with this fact through a series of events that took place within the past three days:
1. The Stroller.
You see this massive thing? I took the kids to the park on Saturday. An hour later, we left.
The next day, I packed them all back up and went back to that very same park. I got out and opened the back of the van. It was empty. No stroller. I called Husband. He didn’t know where it was. HOW COULD A HUGE STROLLER JUST VANISH? Did someone take it?!
I’d left it in the parking lot. It was still there, amazingly. Someone had pushed it up onto the sidewalk for me. I did the Walk of Shame with three kids in tow, pushing it back to the van where it belonged. How did I not run it over or at the very least, see it, when I left the park on Saturday?! Those questions remain unanswered.
2. The Zyrtec.
Exactly one day after The Stroller, we had another incident involving Children’s Zyrtec. Husband was home, and we heard Asher in the bathroom. He’s potty training right now, which is absolutely exhausting and every bit as difficult as I thought it would be when you’re dealing with a child who is still too small to take his pants off by himself or be trusted around a roll of toilet paper.
I sat in the kitchen listening for a few moments before mustering the will to go see what he was doing. It turned out that he was chugging Zyrtec. Just so you know … that stuff is slippery. It was all over the floor and I was sliding around as I struggled with him.
Later, Husband asked me “How does he keep getting into the medicine?! It has a child-proof lid on it!” And instead of admitting that I probably didn’t put the lid on all the way like I should have, I yelled something about how he has little ninja hands. But the truth is, our child isn’t a ninja. He has two parents who are seriously overwhelmed and forgetful.
Which brings me to today’s event, which was exactly one day after The Zyrtec took place.
3. The Knife.
Maverick found this in our yard today when they were outside playing. Thankfully, he brought it straight to me. But wow. A KNIFE. In our yard.
I texted Husband. Yep, it’s his. He didn’t realize it was missing. Where’s the tip of it, you ask? Oh, that got broken off when he tried to open a bottle of champagne, which is another story entirely.
I’m sure this is pretty obvious by now, but that third kid was the tipping point for us. It’s pure mayhem at this juncture, and I pretty much spend my days trying to keep up with a situation that is so. far. gone. So when I tell people that my super power is keeping us all alive … well. I need a cape.
And it would look like this.
|What, your beverages don’t wear capes? Freak.