Stuffin’.

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Joan Rivers died this week, and that makes me sad. I was never sure exactly what I thought of her — she seemed too snarky to be someone I’d enjoy in person, like maybe she was a toxic kind of hilarious — but after watching her on Celebrity Apprentice a few years ago I decided she was awesome. She was 75 years old, smart, energetic, and crazy as hell. In other words, right up my alley.

Laughing saves me, and I know that God gave me funny kids because He knew I’d need the laughs. The past few weeks have been difficult and I don’t know when or if I will write about it here, but I have to at least acknowledge that I’ve been stuck in a bad place. This blog used to be my confessional, where I’d say whatever I wanted to and it didn’t matter because only 27 people read it. But now more people read it, which is awesome and terrifying all at once, and I’m slowly realizing that what I say does matter.

I’m trying to be responsible. Sometimes (read: all the time) that’s a real drag.

This week I cried in an exercise class. It was totally embarrassing, but I just went with it. I used to be a stoic kind of person and now I cry all over town. My friend Donna said she often cries during massages because the “emotions get released.” As a mom, I spend my entire day keeping my emotions in check, so the moment I don’t have to keep them in check for whatever reason, the floodgates open and I can’t shut them back. Basically? Crazy comes to town.

It’s like the time I kept myself in check for several months straight and then my husband made me so mad that I literally threw four loads of laundry all over the house before driving around at 11 p.m. in my p.j.’s sobbing like a lunatic. I kept thinking that I would love to get pulled over just so I could yell at someone else. Then maybe I’d get put in jail, and Robbie Hobbs would have to come pick up his puffy-faced, pajama-clad wife. Bet that would teach him.

I don’t know about you, but women who cry all the time freak me out a little. And hi, it seems I’m one of them now. It’s okay if you need to sneak away. But I’ve come to realize that the reason why a lot of moms are crazy is because they operate under an insane amount of pressure all the time and they can’t ever say or do what they really want to say or do because they have children present. It’s a thing, people.

The point of all this is that after I hit rock bottom of my emotional pit this week and finally started to come back up, I was reminded that life really is short and unpredictable. It is my intent to enjoy each day as much as I can with the people I love the most, because no one knows what tomorrow holds. I will try to love everyone around me right where they are because while I may not be able to change them, I can love the STUFFIN’ OUT OF THEM. Just like how they love the stuffin’ out of me.

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