Mommy Doesn’t Pay Her Bills.

Remember last week when our water got shut off because I forgot to pay the bill?

No?

Oh … it’s because I forgot to tell you. Well, our water got shut off because I have too much on my plate and can’t remember to pay anything on time. As soon as I realized what was happening, I called the water company, paid the bill plus a reconnect fee, and all was well. I feel like I have to clarify that I got the water turned back on, lest you believe that we’re living in squalor. But if this were real squalor, I wouldn’t have internet access, now would I?!

Oh, wait. I spoke too soon.

This morning it happened again, this time with our TV and internet. I tried to turn on Curious George for the kids and the message from AT&T popped up which said, basically, “Pay up, bitch.” I stood in the living room, terrified of the thought of life without TV or internet while my oldest child stood next to me and read the words on the screen.

“YOU FORGOT TO PAY THIS BILL, TOO?!” he gasped.

Yes. Yes, I did, because I have too much on my mind. I forgot because I am a wife to a very messy man and a mother of three little kids and I recently got serious about my writing because I’d like for it to become more than just a “hobby.” I forgot because I was too busy thinking about story ideas or emails I needed to send, and I heard splashing and didn’t know what it was and it turned out to be your little sister splashing in the toilet with both hands, with her mouth open. I forgot because you and your brother beat the ever-loving shit out of each other every time I leave the room. I forgot because bills are stupid and they are the opposite of fun.

My husband saved the day by paying the bill from his work computer, and all was right in the world once more.

A few hours later, we found ourselves at the pediatrician’s office for checkups. I love our pediatrician. She has three boys and doesn’t judge me or my children. She just gets it. Her office is new, and small enough for everyone to hear what is said if you bellow it loudly from the front desk, which would be good if, say, you needed an emergency tourniquet. But bad, if, for example, you’re me.

As we were getting ready to leave, I stopped at the front to ask the doctor and her husband (who also works there) what I needed to pay before we left. My exact words were, “Is there a bill?”

That is when Maverick said, in his very loud, bellowy voice, “MOMMY DOESN’T PAY HER BILLS.”

I tried to laugh it off, because thankfully I have a great relationship with our pediatrician, but I could feel my face reddening as he continued: “NO, REALLY. LAST WEEK OUR WATER GOT SHUT OFF AND TODAY THE TV GOT TURNED OFF. MOMMY REALLY DOESN’T PAY THE BILLS.

DON’T GIVE HER ONE.

SHE WON’T PAY IT.”

Yeah … so that happened. Let’s just go ahead and file this under Embarrassing Moments In Motherhood, and then strike it from memory.

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26 thoughts on “Mommy Doesn’t Pay Her Bills.

  1. I keep saying I would would literally forget my head if it weren’t attached. Earlier today within 5 minutes I misplaced my iPhone and car keys in less then 5 minutes flat. I found them eventually, but still I get it and sure my kids would tell a similar tale if given the chance about me, too!

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  2. We have this problem too, although it’s my husband who forgets to the pay the bills. So my solution has been to get as many bills put on autopay as possible so that doesn’t happen anymore. Both of the ones you mention in your post can be set up that way, although you will still have to remember the doctor!

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  3. Haha. Awesome. I used to pay my bills on time. Never even had to pay interest on my credit card. Then I had a kid. Just one. And that was enough for the mail to never get opened and the bills to never get paid till there are threats.

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  4. Sweet, adorable child, who will spend the rest of his life in timeout if he keeps spilling the beans. You are not alone, mom. As I’m sitting here typing this, I’m looking at a huge stack of bills piled on my desk, just begging to be paid. I’mma keep ignoring them for awhile longer.

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  5. I am laughing right now bc I too had my water shut off last month for the same exact reason. Lucky for me, it was turned back in before my 5 year old got home.

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  6. Hahahaha. Oh no! I’m always freaking out because I forgot to pay something on time. Thankfully, my kids aren’t old enough yet to tell everyone about it. But soon they’ll be sharing my business all over the place, I’m sure. P.S. Don’t forget to pay the pediatrician šŸ˜‰

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  7. Every month Comcast turns us off….not because we don’t have the money, because mommy forgets the cable….it is one of the largest bills we have every month, I do not know how I forget, I just do….and I just learned they add $15 to the next months bill to turn it back on. Every month I am tempted to just have the darn thing turned off for good.

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  8. Oh this is sooo totally me too. I have had the electric shut off a few times, and the cable, and my internet service, and my cell phone. The worst part – the money was in the account, and I COULD have paid them, but every time I thought about sitting down and figuring out bills and paying them I would get distracted by a kid screaming, or the hubby asking me ONE MORE F’ing question about something that doesn’t need to be asked right then, or someone would say ‘hey Mom, did you forget that tonight is the school so-and-so’, or it was late at night after everyone else was in bed asleep and I was finishing up work (I work from home), and I just couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer and thought ‘tomorrow…I’ll do it tomorrow’. The other day I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen, heard a work truck drive by, and got a flash of memory that I had forgotten to pay the electric bill and was freaked out it was the power company coming to turn off the electric….again. I had to strip off the rubber gloves, grab the laptop and quickly log on to pay it. Luckily the truck was just a UPS truck passing by, so no worries….at least for now. LOL

    Loved reading your blog. Very great.

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  9. This struck home…only the bills I forget to pay are always the odd credit cards that I only use to get some deal or other, and then they hit me with a late fee that’s as large as the purchase I made. There goes my deal. Plus, nothing beats feeling like an instant deadbeat.

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  11. Um, as I was getting out of the shower one day, my son asked why I didn’t have a wienie like him and Dad. Well, I was tired, so I just said “Mommies have a different kind of wienie.” and left it at that. So, he told a cashier the next day. We got home and I talked to him ALLLL about penises and vagina’s, how that all worked. Good, eh? Nope, then he started telling EVERYONE that Mommy had a vagina. And now my three year old twins walk around very proud of their vagina’s, but at least people aren’t wondering what kind of situation I’ve got going on in my panties.

    Whatever your secrets are, they WILL be exposed painfully in public when you have kids. I think I’d rather have the bill thing, I think.

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  12. oh my! so funny! btdt! however, with all the technology I am sure you have access to why not add a reminder in your calendar on your phone? or purchase a $60 ACCOUNTING software that will pop up bill reminders each time you log in? just sayin….I raised 3 kids and worked part time too. I know exactly how hard it is when the boys try to kill each other as soon as you leave the room and the dog is tearing thru the trash your hubby forgot to set out before going to work and your little girl is screaming because her brother tore the head off her dolly..i’m just trying to help with a couple suggestions. the dr’s office? so funny. my middle child would be the one to do that. guess times don’t really change that much. keep on keeping on! too soon they will be out of the house and you will have all the time in the world.

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  14. LMAO! We all do that “Little One”! I’m 52, no children at home and work from home. What do you think is the bill I forget to pay habitually? Uh Huh… you guessed it! The cable and internet. I will be happily going along (ok, I lie… not so happily) through my work day and poof… the internet is down and I look over to see to my horror that my internet is yet again disconnected because I simply forgot to pay the stupid bill. Sad part is… the money has been in the account for the past two pay days to make the damn payment and it’s still cut off! Rest assured your embarrassment from your “little darling” is not going to stop for a very long time! lol

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