This is worth writing down …
Today, both boys said “Yes Ma’am,” in unison while I was getting onto them. This was the first time TWO has ever said it, and he clapped for himself and cheered afterwards. It was one of those rare moments where I thought to myself — I’m doing something right. Kind of like how I feel when ONE rushes ahead of me exclaiming, “I’ll open the door for you, Mommy.“
This is a long road, but I sure hope I can keep plodding along and trying to enforce manners. And maybe one day, in the middle of dealing with who-knows-what, I’ll look out the window and see one of my sons opening the car door for a girl. Or standing up for each other, or speaking up for someone else who may not be able to. This is my dream.
This morning after breakfast, ONE broke a plate. No one was harmed. About 60 seconds later, TWO reached his giant toddler arm up and grabbed my hot coffee from the dining room table and poured the entire mug of it on himself.
Unbelievably … amazingly … providentially, he wasn’t hurt or burned. It probably seemed like a very, very warm, hazelnut-scented shower to him. I immediately burst into tears. These children … it’s just nonstop. I think they must lie awake at night and think of ways to scare the crap out of their mother.
I needed wine. I needed to lie down. I needed to take a pill.
But instead, because I am pregnant and responsible, and pregnant and responsible people don’t drink alcohol or take pills, I scooped up my coffee-soaked child and gave him a bath while Husband cleaned up the wreckage in our kitchen. We have to both bring our A-game when the kids are awake. THIS IS WHY I DO NOT NAP.
While I have been swallowed up in my job of motherhood, my children have somehow gone from this:
It’s kind of like I blinked and they became big, but not really because I have been lost in the trenches for quite awhile now, blogging. And because of my blog posts I know that I did not blink and they became big. No. I have EARNED THIS.
This big boy here with the Cheerios grabbed ahold of my ponytail today while I was resting on the couch and pulled with all his might … much like he was trying to drag me up and over the arm of the couch.
He nearly succeeded.
Every so often, something happens that sets me afire all over again about being a good mother to BOYS.
Honestly, I thought I wanted girls. In fact, I was convinced that ONE was a girl … and when they said “BOY!” at the 20-week ultrasound I was in total shock. For the next 20 weeks I thought to myself,“BOY?! What will I do with a BOY?!” But then I met him, and I understood.
Then I had another one.
Sometimes I feel like these kids are going to be the death of me. They run me ragged. They’re messy and dirty and they wrestle each other (um, scary!) and try to invent new ways to hurt themselves daily.
Sometimes I get tired.
But then something happens and I get inspired again. I went through a lot of crappy experiences with boys in my day, which means I have so much I can teach mine. SO MUCH.
What will I do with these boys? Well, let me tell you. I will teach them to laugh. I will teach them to respect God and women. I will teach them to take care of themselves. I will teach them to iron. I will teach them to write notes to the people they love, just because. I will teach them to think of others.
I will raise them to be confident. I will raise them to believe in what’s right. I will raise them to open doors for others, stand up so someone else can sit down, and ask of the world, “How can I help?”
I know they aren’t going to turn out anything like what I’m imagining today. But when they are men and no longer boys, I hope I can look at them and truly be proud of what I have done.
I also hope to not be overbearing.