Category Archives: Open Letters.

Open Letter.

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Dear Random People Who View My Pregnant State As An Opportunity To Start A Conversation That I Do Not Wish To Have:

Yes, I am planning to have a natural birth.

I realize it’s going to hurt. There is no need to remind me … I’ve had one child already, with an epidural that wore off by the time I really needed it, and I pushed for two hours. I am no stranger to pain. I do not fear it. I do find it odd that you, person who is not facing the realities of childbirth, are so fearful for me.

Also–and you’ll need to prepare yourself, this may shock you–there is no need for you to inform me. I am a second-time mother, with a college education and a penchant for books and online research via the Google. I am quite informed. Do not let my smile and blonde hair fool you. I read stuff.

Lastly, you can keep your opinions on topics such as breastfeeding to yourself. I only discuss breast milk with a few people on this Earth. You are not one of them.

Thank You,
Harmony

Open Letter.

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Dear Creepy Guy at the Office,
Unsolicited comments and/or gawking is inappropriate, but gawking at or making comments to a pregnant woman is completely unacceptable.
Just because I’m with child, doesn’t mean I can’t whoop your ass.  Get a handle on yourself, you freak.
Thank you,
Harmony

Open Letter.

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Dear Old Navy,

It is not okay that you are already getting Spring merchandise in your stores. It is currently December. We still have January and February to get through before people start thinking about floral prints.

Get it together.

Thank you,
Harmony

P.S. Today I mistook one of your tiny mannequins for an actual child. I did not enjoy that.

Open Letter.

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My mother thinks that there might be “wackos” who read my blog and may decide to stalk me or my family at some point in the future. This letter is to all the wackos of the world.

Dear Wacko(s),

If you are toying with the idea of following me, standing outside of my house and looking in the windows, or reading my mail  … please resist the urge.

I’m wacked enough already.

Thank you,
Harmony

Open Letter.

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Dear Lady In The Bathroom Stall,

It is not okay to allow your left leg to cross the plane into MY stall. Why are you doing that?!

You stay on your side.

Thank you,
Harmony

P.S. On a related note, I think your shoes may be too small for your feet.

Open Letter.

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Dear General Public,

Please do not wait until you are

1. heavily medicated

2. drunk

3. around screaming children

4. without your hearing aid

5. in the WORST MOOD EVER

6. crying uncontrollably

7. urinating

to handle your insurance business.

Thank you,
Harmony

Open Letter.

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Dear Husband,

You drive me insane because you won’t eat vegetables or drink enough water and I’m worried you will end up with kidney stones. You cut your toenails into talon-like points and poke me with them in the night.


You don’t throw away the empty cereal boxes … you leave them for me like little presents on the kitchen counter. You pull wads of lint out of your belly button and drop them on the floor.


You are my opposite and I appreciate that. If we were just alike we would either have to wade through piles of stuff to get to the living room and eat old Cheetos out of the couch, or we would live in a sterile box where everything is white and ironed. 


Hopefully between the two of us we can produce well-adjusted, kind, fun children.


Thank you for asking me who the greatest band of all time is when we first met.  I still believe that it is ZZ Top. 


Love,

Harmony