Today I bitched at Husband because he and the boys throw their clothes on the floor for someone else (me) to pick up. “I’m not a maid,” I told him before he left for work. And so began the spiral of trying not to be resentful of all the housework my family creates. 

My friend Angie told me when I quit my job two years ago that there would be a “honeymoon period” where everything was awesome but then reality would hit and I would struggle for an unknown period of time before the ship righted itself. Some people’s ships never right themselves. 

I’d like for my ship to right. 

I’m working on it.

Anyway, for awhile now I’ve been stuck in an up-and-down cycle of feeling like I’m being buried alive by the mundane while trying to see and appreciate the little things that make my life beautiful. It’s a season of life, and I’m exhausted, although I cling to the hope that one day I will wake up and realize that I’m rested and my ship is righted.

In the meantime, these are the things that keep me going. Today I caught Asher playing Ring Around The Rosy with his stuffed kitty cat. It was pretty much the cutest thing ever, so thank you Husband for letting me be here to see it. You are now forgiven for being such a slob.

I made a roast and beef enchiladas this week without a recipe, and they were damn good.

I think I’ve arrived.

Acceptance.

I’ve been trying to find a way to talk about it that doesn’t sound preachy. I like to think that I’m kind to myself, but over and over again my children, my husband, and the reflection in the mirror reminds me that I have a long way to go. So, full disclosure: know that when I talk about “accepting yourself,” I’m mostly talking to MYSELF.

(Read the rest of my latest post for Baton Rouge Moms here!)

 To this. And it was kind of super fast.

I’m not one of those moms who say things like my baby’s growing up too fast. Because they aren’t. They’re growing just right, and I with them. But sometimes, like today, there is a part of me that wishes I could have soaked up Baby Maverick just a little bit more.

Firstborns get pushed out of babyhood sometimes, don’t they? Because we don’t know how much to expect of them. We want them to excel, and as a general rule, they do. And now I know better, so I am cherishing the baby-ness of my subsequent children just a little bit more … because before I know what’s happening they will be losing the teeth that they have both been trying so hard to cut this week.

There’s so much … so much. I don’t know where to start except to say that I had to call Poison Control last Friday because Asher drank half a bottle of Motrin, and after that ridiculous things kept happening and I kept CARRYING ON like the signs tell us to do, and now I’m at the point where everything makes me want to cry. Actually, if there was a “carry on” sign for this situation it would read:

“That,” meaning the child on the floor throwing a fit, the other child licking the bottoms of shoes, the snot, the spit up every time that baby is on her tummy, her flat head because I don’t make her do enough tummy time because I get sick of cleaning up spit up, the toothpaste on every single mirror in the house – seriously? How? – and our never ending lack of money. THAT.

My cousin Karen sent me this today. It made me laugh, which was a welcome break from trying to CARRY ON.

  
Today I am grateful for my support system. For my mother, who listened patiently to me as I shrieked through the phone that my children are berserk and I must be doing something wrong. For my friends, who call to invite me places or offer to pick up Starbucks. For my gym with childcare.

For my mother-in-law who happily came over to stay with my younger children today so I could get a break. She saw me LOSE IT with Maverick, I’m talking full-on Crazy Mommy, and I don’t think she judged me.

I am grateful that this day seems to be over and I don’t have to listen to another tantrum until tomorrow. And I’m grateful for my smart phone which allows me to take pictures like these, so when I look back I’ll only remember the better parts of my days.

If you are in the position to encourage a woman with children, do it. Right now. Or I’ll eat your brain.

My life has become very chaotic and I really can’t tell if I am handling it well or not. There are not enough hours in the day or adults in my house, and we keep running out of food. I am grossly outnumbered and absolutely terrified of the day when the baby learns to crawl.

Since one of the reasons why parenthood can be so isolating is lack of social interaction, I try to make sure I interact as much as possible. Unfortunately, I’ve become the Most Boring Person Ever. My mom took me to lunch a few weeks ago and I was really excited to go. I just had the baby with me, and she didn’t really count … until she produced a massive poop diaper right in the middle of P.F. Chang’s. Then she counted.

But seriously, no children were throwing themselves into immediate danger during lunch so my fight or flight instincts were turned off and I thusly became lobotomized. I was completely spaced out and could not think of anything interesting to say to my own mother. Then it happened again the other weekend when family came to visit. I could not seem to uphold my end of a conversation. My thoughts don’t make any sense, probably because I’ve become unaccustomed to forming complete sentences out loud. All I normally say are half-sentences like “Stop that” or “I’m coming“ or “FOR THE LOVE.”

As if I don’t have enough challenges, I’ve now become boring to talk to. Which is odd, because my life is certainly not boring … I am just unable to think clearly or talk about it coherently with another adult.

And that, my friends, is reason #3,480 why people think that moms are dumb. Because in all honesty, we ARE. Our minds are mush. So don’t ask us any questions … take the kids outside to play, give us a hug, and hand us a drink. In that order.

I’m an only child, and I probably romanticize siblinghood, but seeing my boys play and fight makes me feel like I’ve done something right by giving them each other.

I’m officially a contributing writer for Baton Rouge Moms Blog! I’m terribly excited! If you click here you can find me on the “Contributors” page. 

I’ll be writing about womanhood, motherhood, wifehood, and the power of proper undergarments. If you live in the Baton Rouge area, check it out!