TWO has magically morphed into a laughing, squealing, bundle of JOY. No more crying … unless I leave him in the gym childcare, of course. Then he acts a fool.
After looking at these pictures, maybe we will have a third one day.
Changes.
Friday.
Husband doesn’t like it when I blog about him. I really try not to, but sometimes, it just has to come out.
To compensate for what I said earlier today, I say to him: look at this! Look at what we’ve done. I cooked these babies, now let me have my therapy. Even if it sometimes involves discussing your size 13 feet.
Some people (my mother) do not understand why I am compelled to overshare on the internet. I could never quite explain it. It’s just what I do. Then, this morning, my friend Kellie texted me a quote she found that completely explains why I MUST BLOG:
“The reason I write is not so that others may read it, but so at the end of the day I am not alone in my head.”
To whoever is reading this, thank you for being there to write to, so at the end of an endless day, I don’t feel completely alone. Someone out there went through the day with me.
Open Letter.
Dear Husband,
You are a good man. But you drive me crazy. When you wake up from a solid night of sleep, yawn, and say “I am so tired,” I want to kick you.
When you track dirt into the house with your size 13 feet, leave crumbs on the carpet and feed our son marshmallows for breakfast, I find myself irrationally wanting to kick you.
When you elbow me in the head in the middle of the night and wake me up, I really want to kick you.
Just rest knowing that I don’t plan to ever follow through on this impulse. It’s just the hormones talking. Thank goodness I’m still in there somewhere … I think. My rational old self is still buried under a layer of mush. My hair is still falling out by the handful. I still seem to cry almost every day. Sometimes I feel like giving you a swift kick would make me feel better. Like it would somehow right the ship and compensate for the fact that you haven’t undergone any physical changes whatsoever. You just have to endure MY changes.
I think it’s sweet that you didn’t judge me for drinking a glass of wine at 5 pm yesterday. You never criticize me, ever. You accept me good and bad, even when I nitpick your every move.
Thank you for trying to be nice to me this morning even after I woke you up by throwing a pair of pants on top of you and yelling, WHEN I ASKED YOU TO CHECK THE WATER FAUCET OUTSIDE I DIDN’T MEAN “TRACK DIRT ALL OVER THE LIVING ROOM.”
You really are a good man. Today you don’t need to worry about wearing your shin guards.
Love,Crazy Bitch Your Wife
!!!
OMG! This season’s cast of Celebrity Apprentice has been revealed and it is something.
Clay Aiken? Aubrey O’Day? Arsenio Hall? TERESA GIUDICE?!?!?!?!?! I am sooooo addicted already. Only 38 more days to go until the season premiere. I lead a very small life.
- Cheryl Tiegs
- Patricia Velasquez
- Teresa Giudice
- Tia Carrere
- Dayana Mendoza
- Aubrey O’Day
- Debbie Gibson
- Victoria Gotti
- Michael Andretti
- George Takei
- Arsenio Hall
- Lou Ferrigno
- Clay Aiken
- Penn Jillette
- Adam Carolla
- Lisa Lampanelli
- Dee Snider
- Paul Teutul Sr.
Zumba.
Today I took a Zumba class. I fully expected to run smack into another person, or maybe a wall, but it was surprisingly fun and dare I say … easy.
Allow me to clarify: I am clearly not a dancer and I have zero rhythm. I do not know how to do the salsa. However, I did manage to perform a sort of dorky, white girl impersonation of the dances and I never had to stop and take a break. Based on these facts, I declare it a success.
Also, some lady totally pulled her shirt up at the end of the class to wipe her face, and she took her sweet time doing it, which allowed everyone to get a nice long gander at her business. It brought me happiness and relief to know that if I ever do happen to yank up my shirt in the middle of a Zumba class at my local YMCA, I won’t have the mushiest midsection or the saddest boobs there.
 |
| ZUMBA! |
One more thing … before the class began, I overheard a lady talking about how she just dropped her kid off at the nursery and there was “a little baby with an LSU hat on that was just crying and crying.” I smiled and interjected, “that one’s mine.”
I thought it would help me make a new friend.
It did not.
Farewell.
I just picked up my box of stuff from my former place of employment. It’s a weird feeling to have almost 6 years of busting your ass reduced to a box of random items, shown here:
I thought I’d feel ecstatic. But really, I just feel weird. It’s like, I went to college, I worked so hard, I studied for these insurance exams and tried to talk to the right people and do the right things … all for this. To have kids and quit. But I’m thankful. It will just take some getting used to.
I should have taken the time to tell a few people F*CK YOU before I left for good. But, alas … I forgot. I was too focused on making sure that Husband got a picture of me waving goodbye to the sign.
Goodbye, career. I don’t think I’ll miss you.
Just Another Family Outing.
Yesterday we decided to make a family trip to the mall. We got almost halfway there when I realized we forgot the stroller. I asked Husband to turn around. He kept driving.
He hates turning around. Something about it turns him into a big jerk. He was MAD. And we hadn’t even made it to the mall yet. I reasoned that at least we remembered before we got there. He insisted he could carry the baby. Yes, all over the mall. I vetoed.
We went back home.
We arrived at the mall 20 minutes later with the stroller. We hunted for a parking spot for what seemed like an eternity. After we finally parked, I got out and started to unload. The wind was blowing. Something flew into my eye.
I rubbed my eye and my contact came out.
It blew away.
We had to put everyone back in the car and go back home, again, so I could replace my lost contact. If I had semi-bad vision I would have toughed it out with just one good eye, but my last prescription was -7.50 which is pretty much blind.
Husband didn’t speak the whole way home and the whole way back to the mall. ONE made up for his silence with his constant chattering: Where are we going, Mommy? Daddy? Anyone? Why are we going back home? Are we going back to the mall? What’s going on? Why can’t Mommy see? Does she need GLASSES? DO I NEED GLASSES? ANYONE? HELLOOOOOOO ….
Personally, I found this situation to be very funny. Husband did not. But I don’t find the whisker hairs he left in the sink to be funny. So I guess we’re even.
ALERT!
This blog’s name is changing. I uploaded a new header this morning. Since I am no longer a “working” mommy, I figured I needed to change the title accordingly.
As soon as I can figure it out between diaper changes, I will change the url to http://www.modernmommymadness.com and you will be alerted when this happens! I hope I don’t lose all of you … please don’t stop reading!
OMG I HATE POTTY TRAINING.
A New Year.
I am so disoriented.
Somehow the holidays have come and gone. The tree is down. It’s 2012. The past year has been a total blur. That’s what sleep deprivation and two little boys will do to a person.
Husband and I did absolutely NOTHING for New Year’s Eve, and I didn’t mind. Last year we went all out — fancy club, dancing, band, champagne, crazy-high heels (me, not him) — and it was awesome, but this year all I wanted to do was have some wine and go to bed early.
I make no apologies for this. I am 32 and just had my second child. I only pull that out when I’m feeling extra fat or extra tired.
I hope that this year brings good things. We have big plans for our family. It’s a time of TRANSITION. I accept that we have no money because I just quit my good-paying job to stay home with our kids. I accept that we will probably end up cutting off our cable, downgrading our phone plan and after I use the salon gift certificate my sweet aunt Nancy gave me for my birthday, I likely won’t be able to afford to go back.
I accept that I might have horrible hair in 2012. I may have to use … box dye. I accept that I will have to coupon which makes me itch just thinking about it.
But. I resolve to remember WHY I am using dye out of a box and a coupon for Cover Girl makeup. It’s because I am privileged enough to have a husband who believes I can raise our sons without losing my shit. And I believe he can support us without losing HIS.
I resolve to appreciate him every day. I resolve to be sweet to my children. I resolve to starve myself back into my old wardrobe. And invest in a cute hat to hide my box-dyed hair.
See how ONE and TWO are holding hands? That is why I am fine with having bad hair.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Modern Mommy Madness 