I’m A Liar (and other news).

A lot of other bloggers have a “newsletter” that you can subscribe to and they email them out every week or so. But I have an inbox full of newsletters that I haven’t read and probably never will, so I decided not to subject you people to a Modern Mommy Madness newsletter. It is just another thing that would cause me needless stress.

Instead, I started vlogging. I think we can all agree that this is a terrible idea, but I was cooped up in the house with two small children all last week and I did it out of BOREDOM.

I do a lot out of boredom. Like eat.

If you want to see the vlog fantastic, you’ll have to follow me on Facebook here until I master YouTube and/or figure out how to share the videos on my blog. I keep waiting for Robbie to gently tell me that it’s time to stop, but he hasn’t yet … which means I’m going to continue searing disheveled images of myself into the eyes of the internet.

In other news, I had another piece published on Scary Mommy — you can check it out here. Also, I sold 100 copies of “I Still Just Want To Pee Alone” in TEN DAYS. That was unexpected. I imagined that I would be sitting on a corner somewhere under a tent next to those people who sell area rugs with tiger faces on them.

I kept telling everyone I’m not a salesperson. I don’t sell things. I don’t know how to sell books! I guess I lied. If you want a copy, please drop me a line (modernmommymadness@gmail.com) and let me know! I’ll re-stock soon and start taking orders again once I’ve recovered.


I had a super cute helper at the post office.

I took my youngest to the post office with me last weekend. She loudly sang “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star” as a line of 12 scowly people waited for the clerk to process my box of books. Her little voice echoed throughout the building as the man next to us filed a complaint with a manager because “offensive material” is being delivered to his home. I tried to read the form as nonchalantly as possible without him noticing — WHAT KIND OF OFFENSIVE MATERIAL? — but the print was too small.

The other thing that happened this weekend was that I noticed my husband again after several days of forgetting he lives here. Nothing like seeing a big strong man carrying a sleeping child to make me sit up and take notice.

Well played, Robbie Hobbs.


If you liked this post, then you will LOVE I Still Just Want To Pee Alone! Click here to find out more!

Books Are In!

100 books arrived today. They smell divine … like trees. And hard work.

Interested in acquiring one?! OF COURSE YOU ARE! Read here for more information.

984307_10155650834920508_4183205641462227949_nMy three-year-old took this picture.

Bada Bing, Bada Boom.

My stockpile of “I Still Just Want To Pee Alone” will be here on April 7th and I would LOVE to sell each of you a personalized copy! I mean … if you want. No pressure, because I really, really dislike salespeople a lot. Yet somehow, in the greatest act of irony ever, I married one.

Allow me to explain. I dated a lot of boys before I met my now-husband. In fact, my love life was an absolute train wreck. If you want to hear more about that, you’ll have to buy the book. After a lot of failed relationships, I met Robbie and I am fairly certain he used his sales tactics on me — but because I am so annoyed by salesmen and their pushy ways, I called him on his bullshit.

That might be the moment that we fell in love, but enough about that — let’s get back to the book.


I have been published in the sequel to the New York Times Bestseller I Just Want to Pee Alone with a slew of other talented writers.

No, it has still not sunken in.

No, I have not officially celebrated … unless you count drinking wine every night since the day I found out that my essay was selected for the book, in which case, yes. I have celebrated.

If you want to obtain a copy of this anthology for yourself or a loved one who is not bothered by irreverent humor, or even better, a new mother who needs her eyes opened to just how UN-perfect motherhood can be, I would be thrilled to send you a signed copy.

Email me at modernmommymadness@gmail.com with your name, address, and who you want the book dedicated to (if applicable). I’ll send you an invoice for $14.99, which includes shipping and handling. Once I receive payment, I’ll mail you the book! Bada-bing, bada-boom. That’s what a salesman would say.

If you are within the vicinity of Baton Rouge, I have events coming up and I would love to meet you! I’ll be sweaty and I apologize in advance. This stuff makes me nervous. Apparently even my kids know this, proven by the hand-written reminder to barf written right above the task to “order books.”

Yeah, I'll barf alright.

Yeah, I’ll barf alright.

And the answer is NO, I definitely did not make it to 8:30 Pilates or 9:30 Kickboxing.

If you don’t want a personalized copy (Hello — you really need one — what if I make the big time one day?! You’ll kick yourself later.), you can come back here to my blog and click the button on the sidebar that says “BUY THE BOOK!” absolutely any time you want.

I just want to say again how grateful I am to everyone for your encouragement and support. I have, hands down, the BEST group of readers. I have no idea where all this is headed and I am equal parts thrilled and terrified. All aboard the crazy train, bitches!