Am I Black?

I’ve been thinking lately about my appearance.

White people tend to think that the skinnier you are, the better. Which is why I’ve always felt that

1. I was not attractive
2. I may not be full-blooded Caucasian

I’ve always joked that I’m actually black. Which is funny, because I’m really VERY white … I am just shaped like a black woman. That has always made me feel connected to black society. I also envy the sass of black women, and their ability to cook. I can hold my own in the kitchen, but I don’t fry. Due to the fact that I live in the deep South, I feel like my lack of ability to fry makes me a failure.

I wish that white women didn’t feel the pressure that we do to be skeletons. I have accepted that I’ll never be a skinny girl and I am okay with that, but the pressure is always there. The dissatisfaction. 

My white girlfriends all think they are fat, and I can assure you I’m fatter than every single one of them. On a “good” day, when I feel like my life is under control and I don’t look like a complete mess, I’ll stand back and think that we are all a bunch of stupid idiots who have no idea what is and is not truly beautiful. We all look just fine, just the way we are.

And I still think I might be like 1/4 black. Seriously.

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