The other day, I said I was going to take up couponing. I managed to purchase a binder and a hole puncher thingy … and that’s as far as I’ve gotten.

Here is what I HAVE managed to do:

1. Spend $41 at Bath & Body Works online. I had a coupon code … so … I did save money. And our house NEEDS to smell like “Leaves” (the wallflower scent) as soon as possible. Because I am overly paranoid that it still smells like poop after what went down the other night.

2. I took both of my kids to the mall, by myself. I do not own a double stroller, although I cursed myself several times during that outing for not having one. I stuck TWO in my Ergo carrier and ONE was in the stroller. We lunched in the Food Court. People stared. I stared back.

3. I taught my three-year-old the words to Adele’s Someone Like You. Not really on purpose, more like I was sick of listening to screaming so I turned it up and sang it over and over again until I realized someone was singing with me … that would be ONE.

4. I drove across town to the cheapest drycleaning service I know of and dropped off ONE’s poop-infested comforter. It wouldn’t fit in my washing machine. It cost me $2o. I don’t plan to pick it up until ONE starts begging for it back. Right now he has sheets over his windows where the curtains used to be. I don’t plan on putting those back for awhile, either. I didn’t feel like ironing the damn things anyway.

5. I stopped caring about weight loss and exercise. All I cared about this week was getting through the day. Next week might be better. I am so stressed out I can’t eat anyway. I am now 16 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. I wish I could bottle and market the diet I’m currently on. I would then have enough money to pay for Mother’s Day Out. Or a membership to a gym. ONE THAT HAS CHILDCARE.