My fantasy has come true. I have an entire day all to myself. 

My inlaws took ONE and TWO to a family reunion in Mississippi and they won’t be back until tonight. Husband is at work. I honestly can’t recall the last time I had a whole day alone. It boggles my mommy mind. 

So … what will I do?! First, I went to Zumba class. Then I went to Starbucks. Next I plan to dye my hair, shave my legs, and maybe get a pedicure. My feet are so beyond gross. I cringed when my (dreadlocked) yoga instructor got close to them the other day. She was trying to help me into the “plow” pose. The whole situation was awkward, but my feet didn’t help matters.

I may lie in the sun, if it doesn’t rain. I’m just going to soak up my time.

We got some new bath rugs, pictured below.

Here is what we did with them.

Believe me, if I had an endless supply of money I would have done something different with the boy’s bathroom. My whole house is just a hodgepodge of mismatched items. I’m trying to work with what I’ve got … in all aspects of my life.

Today I am tired. My children are sick. I was awakened at a much too early hour by ONE, who was demanding a tissue to blow his nose with. He then informed me he had been using his bedsheets all night … to wipe his nose, you see … but now that it was morning, he decided to wake me up.

My husband is still sleeping soundly. I’d like to be sleeping soundly. I have a house to clean and food to make. I have more laundry to do. I have noses to wipe and a pee smell in the kid’s bathroom to get rid of before tomorrow.

All of this gives me negative energy. This is what Husband told me the other day. He said, you have negative energy and it’s making our household negative. He was right — I felt frazzled and quite negative. So I put myself in time out and got my mind right again. Thank goodness for Husband’s reminder, because the woman of the house certainly does set the tone for everyone else.

Today I choose to be positive. I need not make a bad situation worse by bitching aloud. They say love is a choice. Well, sometimes happiness is a choice, too. Today I am happy. I’m going to put my hair in a ponytail, slap on some concealer, and get out the Clorox. 

Watch out, pee smell. I’m happy and I’m coming for you.

TWO is sick. I’m overwhelmed. Today we ran out of diapers so I was forced to take both kids with me to the drug store to get some. While we were there, a monsoon hit and all three of us were completely drenched trying to get into the car — sick baby included.

We got home and changed clothes and mopped up the puddles by the door.  Then I discovered TWO’s noise machine quit working. I am so happy no one was here to witness the fit I threw.

The end.

Husband: Do you want any oysters?

Me: When have you ever seen me eat an oyster?

Husband: I just thought you might want to try one … (to the waiter) I’ll take half a dozen, please.

*** order arrives ***

Me: I’m trying not to watch this. I’m just going to look away.

Husband: They don’t look as bad as the turkey neck I ate yesterday. Are you sure you don’t want one? They’re an aphrodisiac, you know.

Me: I know what’s NOT an aphrodisiac.

Husband: What?

Me: Watching you eat them.

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