My mother will often call me in the middle of the day and ask, “Did I wake you up?” or, “Were you resting?” As if most of my day involves lounging around the house.

Um, no.

Here is reason #5,631 why I cannot “relax” while my children are awake: last week I was cooking dinner, standing at the stove minding my own business, when TWO came up behind me and bit me right on the ass.

I screamed. He looked startled.

Reason #5,632 I cannot “relax” while my children are awake: while I was typing this blog entry, this happened. Seriously.

My little ass-biter climbed into his high chair like a spider monkey and scared me half to death. And there you go — that’s my Wednesday.