Diagnosis: Mother.

Today I realized that my 3-year-old isn’t as attached to his special blanket anymore. I realized that I have never rocked my 21-month-old to sleep, because she is the third child and in this house, the third child gets a bedtime kiss and dumped into her crib without ceremony.

Now that my oldest eschews rocking and my middle only lets me do it sometimes, I WANT TO ROCK SOMEONE BEFORE BED, DAMN IT.

Motherhood makes me feel like a crazy person. In fact, I am a crazy person.

To prove my point, I have created a visual aid using a family picture of us from October 2012, two months after The Great Negotiation.

10-14-2012 2

Because everything about this picture screams “WE NEED MORE CHILDREN!”

What’s The Great Negotiation? That was the time I spent months trying to convince my poor husband that I wasn’t done having children and we needed more, despite the fact that we were struggling on one income and had two very challenging boys — one of whom was not quite a year old. I felt like we totally needed to throw one more baby into the mix. That made sense to me.

This is how I know that mothers have something deeply, psychologically wrong with them.

The Great Negotiation took place during date night at Outback Steakhouse. My husband eventually wore down and said “FINE. But I have to get a vasectomy before the baby is born.” And I said, “FINE. I’m ordering a beer.”

Less than a year later, our daughter was born.

Less than a year after that, I regretted allowing the vasectomy. Because I have a mental illness.

It’s called Mother.

9 thoughts on “Diagnosis: Mother.

  1. I went through the big negotiation… I even went as far as typing up a spreadsheet of costs and budgeting to prove we could have another baby at that time. I already had three boys, my youngest was almost 5. I wanted a baby though, another one before 30. I won.

    I promised that I would get my tubal immediately after number four was born. I did! I closed up shop. 4 boys was quite enough. A year and a half later, there are days of regret… because yup, crazy mother brain. Then The Boss flings something at me and jumps off a chair and I regret nothing!

    Loved this!


  2. Our Great Negotiations have all happened at Outback, also! But, after this third time of going through toddlerhood, I’m pretty sure Bloomin’ Onions are from the devil.


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