The Miracle of Breathing

All this time I thought I was a highly-driven person, because I throw myself 100% into everything I do, but the truth is, I’m really just an addict.

The most gung-ho, passionate, charismatic, caring people in this world are probably addicts, too.  But don’t worry, we have a lot of redeemable qualities. I have an addictive personality. I prefer to call myself “passionate,” but what it really is, is that I LIKE WHAT I LIKE.

I’m a little over a month into sobriety and I am happy and calm for the first time in a really long time. Like, longer than I can remember. In fact, my entire household is happier and calmer, which means that the chaos I was drinking to cope with was largely MY OWN FUCKING FAULT.

Let that sink in for a moment.

It’s really sad, insane, shocking, and embarrassing how big of an effect my addictions had on the people around me. I may not have gotten arrested, lost my marriage, or had my children taken away from me like some people that I’ve encountered, but my actions still changed the tone of my home. I told myself that what I was doing wasn’t hurting anyone else, but that was a lie.

It was.

Out of all my attempts at getting parenting right, getting sober is the most important thing I’ve done. After all, I have to put my oxygen mask on before I can help anyone else learn to breathe.

I took a picture of myself today, day 37. I look better. I feel better.

Here’s to breathing.


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4 thoughts on “The Miracle of Breathing

  1. It’s funny you use the oxygen mask analogy because I am on the other side of addiction…my husband is an alcoholic and I go to pick him up from rehab in 2 days. When we were in the hospital I asked my friend who happens to be a doctor and happens to have gone through addiction to come talk with him. While he was giving him the good, bad, and the ugly he said are you going to continue to think you are the hero and put everyone else’s mask on first or are you going to be the guy who gets his own shit together puts his own mask on so he has the ability to save everyone. It hit me so hard that I had to save myself so I could save my kids. That even if sobriety didn’t continue in my husbands life I could save the rest of us. If I didn’t put on my own mask I was going to get pulled down the depression rabbit hole and we would all sink. He has missed a lot of things being in rehab for the past month. However I have learned that I am so much stronger than I ever imagined. 3 kids have been to school everyday and to all Christmas functions on time, I have successfully continued to be the Director of a wonderful hospice, I have YouTubed and fixed a refrigerator that decided to spray water out of it 5 min before school was to start, Its not how I want to live….alone…but I CAN do it.

    Liked by 1 person

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