I‘m making Husband read this book.

There have been times in our relationship where I have suggested that he should read it, but this time, he has no choice. This time it‘s going to happen, one way or another. And if he thinks THIS is bad, I shudder to think what he’ll do the day I drag him to a marriage conference.

We get along very well, Husband and I. And I have a strong network of people who I can go to for emotional support. I’ve never leaned heavily on him to fulfill my emotional needs, and I’m starting to wonder if this hasn’t been a detriment to our relationship. Sometimes things happen that deeply upset me and I really don’t want to talk to anyone else about it. I want to talk to him. Because he knows me.

I think we have a classic case of a woman who knows how to express her feelings, and a man who isn’t comfortable with that … unless he can fix it. He doesn’t know what to say, so he says nothing. He stares blankly at me, or worse — checks out completely, playing on his phone or watching the TV behind my head. And then I end up getting mad at him, at a time when I need him the most. Rather than feeling loved and supported, I feel like I want to punch him in the face. Then we have a conversation that goes like this:

***
Me: You are so not listening to me right now.

Husband: Yes I am.

Me: You are clearly NOT listening. You’re reading something on your phone.

Husband: I am a good multi-tasker.

Me: YOU’RE A HORRIBLE MULTI-TASKER!

Husband: WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!

Me: I don’t know. All I want to do right now is punch you in the face.    

*** 

And so. The book.

I told him, “I pick up your belly button lint, which is unpleasant but I do it because I love you. Therefore, you WILL learn how to be emotionally supportive, which apparently you find unpleasant but you will do it because you love me. This book will help you. I am not equipped to teach you, but John Gray, Ph.D. will do a FANTASTIC JOB.”

I’m not trying to be critical of Husband, because he loves me. I mean really, truly loves and accepts me. He just doesn’t know how to communicate with my Venus-y side. I think it scares him, to be quite honest. And now that we’re having a daughter, I think it would behoove him to proactively try to improve his skills. 

I had a flash-forward last night of him trapped in the car by himself with our 12-year-old daughter, who is having a total adolescent meltdown, and he blankly stares at her and she gets more and more upset so he then says the wrong thing (like “WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?!“), and then he has to fix that problem … and so on. 

Such. A. Train. Wreck.

I’m really doing us all a favor.

I’ll be chronicling his progress via my blog. Hopefully the added pressure of the masses will keep him on track. If nothing else, I’m sure most of you can relate to this problem and will learn something from my successes — and my mistakes. Mistake number one may have already happened (writing about how I am making Husband read a self-help book, but to be fair I need to brush up on the Martians as well), and if so, then … 

Forward march.
  
 

Seven years ago today I married my best friend. He’s still my best friend. 

Come rain or shine, hell or high water, there is no one else I’d rather weather life with. An added bonus: not that many people realize that I am actually the weird one in our relationship. Let’s just keep it that way.

Last weekend, we strolled around hand-in-hand listening to jazz music float through the streets. We looked at art. We looked at people. I may have caught him looking at me a few times. We dreamed about what the next seven years will bring. And no matter what happens, I feel secure knowing that whatever may come … we will be okay.

We are still young and full of hope. So much has happened since we married, but life stretches out before us with endless possibilities. Our life together is happy. We are blessed.

Robbie Hobbs, I will love you until I take my last breath. Thank you for loving me.

 And then we came home to this.

I happened upon this article today and I really liked it – I found it to be so well-written and concise, and most of all, about a topic I could go on and on about. COUNSELING!

Husband and I have been through a lot during our time together and I can say that the one thing that helped us through our worst time ever was couple’s therapy. Hands down. I’d go again in a heartbeat if we ever find ourselves in that bad place again. Because I feel like it saved us, I am annoyingly passionate about telling others to GO.

On a cruise, circa 2007. One of my favorite pictures of us together.

A lot of people might know they need help, but they are worried about the money, time, and logistical issues, along with the overall fear they will have to overcome in order to go to an appointment. I admit, having to broach the topic to the other person in the relationship can be a hurdle in itself. 

Don’t forget … you once loved this person so much you committed your life to him/her. There is absolutely no reason why you should live the rest of your days UNHAPPY. One way or another, it can be fixed, and if it can’t be fixed, then you should make a change. I want everyone to be HAPPY! It’s a sickness I have. 

Maybe I should seek therapy for that.

Next month is our 7-year wedding anniversary.

Seven.

I realize I know nothing about marriage in comparison to someone who has, say, been married for 35 years. Seven is really just a drop in the bucket when you look at the big picture. And in a way, it seems like it’s only been half that long … like our marriage REALLY started when children started arriving. Or maybe I just can’t remember our life before that.

I take it seriously. Relationships have to be maintained or they will die, pure and simple. It’s not easy. I can see why some people give up. I can see why some people can’t make it. There were times when I wasn’t sure if I could handle another day with this ridiculous man. 

Clearly, he never thought this about me. CLEARLY, he never thought to himself, “I can’t handle this crazy bitch and her crazy ways one more day.” 

This is me being sarcastic.

But we have made it. We are making it. If we can get through the first 7 years then I am certain we can make it through the rest. Why? Because we want the same things out of life. Happiness. Simplicity. Love. Fun. We have learned how to communicate better. We have learned how to just say how we’re feeling (“I would love to duct tape your mouth shut right now.”), deal with the issue, and then move on. 

I feel like our relationship is really just a bunch of foolishness and off-the-charts love for each other. That’s it. I LOVE THAT MAN. He loves me right back. Apparently that is all that is required for us to be happy. The foolishness keeps it fun even when we’re annoyed, which is often, and the love seems to do the rest. I find it fascinating to hear what other people require in their relationships to make them work happily. 

Today I asked Husband to take a picture of my butt in a new pair of jeans.

Seven jeans from T.J. Maxx, $29.99, with a waistband that comes up high enough to hide my muffin top.

He didn’t ask questions. He didn’t make fun — out loud. He took the picture, silently listening while I told him, “These jeans are amazing because they stretch and don’t dig into me and OMG, I have a huge ass, why is my ass so huge?!” And then he asked me if I was planning to eat tampons and cookies for lunch. Because this was the bag I packed to take with me for the day.

And that was our morning. 

So this is all I’ve got so far, and you can take it or leave it: figure out what you need from your spouse and ask for it. Be happy in your marriage. It’s the most important thing in your life, even before your children. Without Husband, I wouldn’t have my children. He comes first. That can be hard to remember.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have cookies to eat.

Taking a nap on Thanksgiving Day.

Does anyone else’s husband have a hobby (video games) that keeps him up until all hours of the night, causing him to be a narcoleptic during the day?

Oh, it’s just me?

That’s what I figured. Well … I cope by telling myself that it could be worse. He could be a philanderer. Or an out-of-control gambler. Or a drunk. Instead he spends an average of four hours a day sucked into an imaginary world I will NEVER understand. And the result? Narcolepsy.

Yesterday I carried a basket full of clean laundry upstairs and left Husband downstairs with ONE. I was up there maybe ten minutes when ONE came clambering up the stairs, arms full of Christmas ornaments which he had removed from the tree directly next to Husband’s head — which was on the couch. 

Apparently the minute I left the room he fell into a slumber so deep he didn’t hear the rustling of the tree or the clanging of the ornaments … much like a narcoleptic would do. It took pretty much everything in me not to snap. I think I yelled something like “what the HELL?!” and then I let him deal with the mess.

Ah … husbands. Some hunt deer, some pretend to live in a world where warlocks and witches kill each other. Truthfully, I’d be pissed if he tried to hang a deer head on the wall. So again, it could be worse …?

As you can probably imagine, I have LOTS more to say on the matter, but I’ll just stop here. If anyone who reads this has helpful advice on how to deal with a gamer spouse, then bring it.

Last night I was in my bathroom, pouring sterilized water into a bottle of powdered formula when I suddenly dropped the bottle. It had no lid on it yet. 

It slammed onto the counter, and water and unmixed formula powder shot out of it like a volcano, soaking my hair … my face… my bathroom ceiling … walls … mirror … you understand.

There is nothing sexier than rocking crunchy, soy formula hair. I’m sure Husband loved it.

Today is our 6th wedding anniversary.

I nearly forgot about it. 

Some very sweet friends came over and watched ONE and TWO for a few hours so we could go to dinner.

Dinner without children.

We pretty much ran out the door.

I have a complicated, love/hate relationship with gadgets. I’m pretty resistant to them, actually. It’s mostly because I know that once I am aware of how awesome they are, I’ll think I can’t live without them. This has happened to me on numerous occasions, mostly because I was prodded by my Husband. And then I became hooked.

Examples of this:

1. The internet
2. Texting
3. The iphone (or really any kind of “smart” phone)
4. Cable TV
5. Netflix
6. Automatic digital coffee makers
7. Blogging
8. Facebook
9. GPS

Husband is a gadget freak, but he seems to understand my fear of the unknown and has kindly guided me through uncharted territory. When I washed my iphone in the washing machine, he went to the AT&T store and got me a fancy replacement.

Here it is.

It’s an HTC Inspire 4G. Mine is red. I hated it at first, in all it’s shiny fanciness.

It scared me.

I love it now.

Moral of this story: sometimes, Husband is right. Not often … let’s not get carried away here. But sometimes.