I am extremely grouchy. I’m sure it’s hormonal. I was mean to my husband for no reason this morning. He didn’t even have a chance to do anything to warrant meanness. 

Poor guy.

To cheer myself up, I am going to focus on positive things (and not the fact that I just baked chocolate chip cookies and ate four of them).  

1. I bought a new rug for my foyer and I really like it. I got it at Walmart! They’re really stepping up their game.

2. I discovered a new wine that is SUPER cheap and really tasty. Actually, Courtney at howdoyoufoldafittedsheet has been telling me about it for awhile and I just got around to giving it a try.  

Lucky Duck Malbec. YUM! You can see my cookies in the background … minus four.

And lastly …

3. THANKSGIVING IS COMING! My favorite holiday. I’m all fattened up and ready to go.

I started my Christmas shopping on November 17th. This marks the earliest day ever for me to start my shopping. Generally I always intend to start early but never do. Lack of funds and procrastination always stand in my way.

This year, I have big plans. I’m going to do it RIGHT. For once.

Today my attempt at potty-training my toddler was a failure. Probably because I’m not feeling great and he isn’t either. It was fun (I guess?), but after FIVE accidents and ZERO pee-pees or poo-poos in the potty I decided to give up and try again another day when he isn’t coughing with a low grade fever.

He’s napping now.

I should too.

I’m back! Girl’s Trip 2010 was fantastic.

More soon.

Last night my little boy was tossing and turning at 8 pm which is way past his bedtime.

I went into his room to see what was going on. He had removed his diaper and his pajama pants were all bunched up. I changed him and put him in a more comfy pair of jammies.

After that, he climbed back into bed. I smoothed his hair, tucked him in, and lined up his stuffed animals. He said, “Thank you Mama.”

And then, “I love you Mama.”

SO. SWEET.

After days of inactivity, I tried to work out this morning. I got about 10  minutes into my yoga DVD before convincing myself that doing yoga at 5 a.m. is a really bad idea.

What if I pulled something?!

So I quit.

… my stress is O-V-E-R. Well, most of it anyway. I got through my morning without

1. Cursing into the microphone
2. Mispronouncing anyone’s name or title
3. Crying
4. Falling down

And so, I consider today a success. Although I did do that annoying thing that people do that involves walking up to the microphone and then tapping it, whilst saying IS THIS ON?

Alas.

Someone asked me afterwards, “do you like public speaking?” To which I replied “hell-to-the-no.” But it got me thinking … the problem I have seems to be WORRYING about an upcoming event, not the event itself.

My dad has two phrases that he has a tendency to overuse. The first one is, “The only thing you have to fear is fear itself.” I never really got it. But now I think I do. 

The other phrase was “Mind over matter,” which I TOTALLY got from day one.

I’m the Queen of Checking Out In Odd Or Uncomfortable Situations.

Right now I should be practicing the speech that I have to give at 9:00 tomorrow morning in front of approximately 1,000 of my co-workers. Of said co-workers, 4 of them are family members. There will also be friends, people I can’t stand, my boss, my boss’ boss, and the Vice President of Operations.

I REALLY should be practicing.

But instead, I’m doing this. My latest coping mechanism seems to be writing emails, blogs, or Facebook status updates when I should really be dealing with something more pressing.

Fact: I just went for a walk with my ipod and a shoeless, muscular teenage boy wearing a fairy costume popped out of the bushes and ran alongside me for awhile. 

Fact: the boy-fairy’s friend was videotaping our interaction, and informed me it will be on YouTube later tonight.

Fact: I have discovered how to make a Starbucks-like mocha IN MY OWN KITCHEN!

Ingredients:

•  2 T Hershey’s Cocoa powder
• 2 T Sugar
• A dash of salt 
• 1 cup milk (or 1/2 cup milk and 1/2 cup half and half)
• 1 cup very strong coffee
• Whipped topping

I mixed it all up on the stove and I have to say, it was excellent. And the best part is, it did not cost $5.

What did you do on Saturday night?

I attended a Murder Mystery party. Of course, the theme was “Psycho Circus.” I mean … what else could it possibly be?

Anna and I shared a babysitter. When that poor girl arrived to take over watching our crazy-ass children, we RAN out the door. Literally.
 
I was Harriet the “Horse Woman” and although I was ridiculed endlessly about how I looked like I’d gotten bucked off the horse a few too many times I at least had the presence of mind to take pictures. 

Hello, clown.

Here is our hostess … I think she played the part of “Tuppance” the contortionist? Who was also a food vendor … I think.

From left to right: A gypsy, a contortionist food vendor, and a special-ed horse woman. With her horse.

Did you know that Walmart now sells microwaveable boiled peanuts?? They were a big hit.

Our hostess couldn’t stay away from them.

There were cupcakes … 

Hot dogs … popcorn …

And a bearded lady.

It is 3:44 a.m. and I have been awake for two hours.

WHY?? 

Well … it’s a combination of my husband’s snoring and the fact that I have awful cramps which made it impossible to go back to sleep once I was startled awake at 1:30 by the freight train lying next to me.

What sealed this deal was the Midol Complete that I took to make my pain stop, which (I found out too late) has caffeine in it. I tried everything to lull myself back to sleep, including the following:

1. Counting backwards from 10, then 100
2. Visualizing myself going to sleep
3. Systematically relaxing myself, yoga-style, one limb at a time … this was nice, but ineffective
4. Kicking my spouse repeatedly until I felt guilty

At 3:00 I said a bad word, bit the bullet, and got up. Currently I’m listening to the rain, drinking coffee (yes, I realize this is going to bring the cramps right back, thankyoukbye) and trying to complete an article that is NOT. GOING. WELL.

I forsee a long day in my future. Happy Monday!