I Totally Cried.

Wow. Just … wow.

This morning I was awakened at 4:55 by Asher, who said his legs were itchy. I rubbed lotion on and got him all tucked back in, I climbed back into bed … and decided to check Facebook.

This is when I learned that WE DID IT.

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Not just you and I, but all the other “Scary Mommies” and not-so-scary mommies and businesses and kind-hearted people.

We did it. We made sure 2,152 deserving families will have food on their table on Thanksgiving Day.

TWO THOUSAND, ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY-TWO.

That’s a lot.

Well done, you.

LISTEN UP, PEOPLE.

I could slap you with hundreds of heart-felt stories of those who have been helped by the nonprofit Scary Mommy Nation.

But I won’t.

Not that you aren’t good people, but most of you would skip over it or go to the next page. And I don’t blame you, because I would normally do the exact same thing. I get it. We don’t have extra money. We need our money. Why should we just hand it out to random nonprofits who want to feed total strangers?

I have a dog in this particular fight because I donated my time to write an essay that I didn’t think anyone would ever read. And now it’s going to be published, in a book, that will be released on Monday, November 17. (If you want to buy the book, there is a picture of it on the right side of the screen under the heading “PRE-ORDER THE BOOK!” If you click there, you can buy it. Excuse me while I hyperventilate.)

ANYWAY … whatever royalty money that the authors would have received from sales is going directly to Scary Mommy Nation, and that will translate into families who can’t afford food getting fed. I am incredibly proud to be a very small part of making someone’s holiday better. It doesn’t matter that I don’t know them. It doesn’t matter that we will likely never meet. I HELPED SOMEONE BECAUSE I CAN. Period.

We now have 24 hours left to raise the money needed to feed the remaining families on the waiting list, and I intend to guilt you into donating. Let’s begin!

First, let’s discuss what $50 can buy. I’ll start with this “Figural Turkey Bowl Stand” from Pottery Barn, which costs roughly $50.

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Of course, you could get the “Figural Fox Bowl Stand” instead, shown below. It’s regularly $49.50, which is just fifty cents shy of being enough to FEED A FAMILY IN NEED.

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I’ll let that sink in for a moment.

Are you ready for more? The next one involves this little guy below. Prepare yourselves.

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The “Figural Squirrel Serve Bowl and Stand Set” IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE from Pottery Barn. It looks just like the turkey and the fox, as you can see. But it’s more popular because the squirrel bowl can hold nuts! Apparently so many people with money to spend wanted a squirrel with a bowl for an abdomen that they bought them all up. They’re gone, off to hold appetizers for people whose lives are so bountiful that they serve nuts in bowls held by woodland creatures just because it’s CUTE and THEY CAN.

So, what else can $50 buy? Let’s see …

– This Ninja hoodie.

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– A “Personalized Wood Watch Case,” like this one from overstock.com.

Vintage-Brown-Finish-Wood-Glass-Top-Watch-Case-w-High-Clearance-Holds-10-watches-P13973992– Or … a Snuggie.

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If you love me, and I feel like you do, I am begging you to please take your extra $10 or $20 or $100 and use it to feed a deserving family. Don’t take that money that could be used for good and buy a bunch of crap that takes up space in your home that is already full of beautiful things. Just … don’t.

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To donate to the 2014 Thanksgiving Project, click here.

Did my guilt trip work?!?!? Be sure to let me know!

Disclaimer: I really do love Pottery Barn, just not right now, and if you own anything shown here, I have no judgment. Just remember all the people in need when you enjoy them, is all I’m saying.

BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!

It’s a little disorienting when you think to yourself, hey, I think I’ll try to do this thing and see what happens, you know, just for fun. And then THAT THING TOTALLY HAPPENS.

You guys. I’m in this book. You can pre-order it and read all about it by clicking HERE! Go on, I’ll wait.

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I am incredibly humbled, excited, totally freaking out and terrified … but mostly EXCITED, to be a part of this project. The other writers that I’m being lumped together with are incredibly talented. I know this because I have creeper-stalked every last one of them, and every time I become Facebook “friends” with another one I scream like my feet are on fire.

Today while I am frantically trying to keep up with the social media explosion that is happening, feeling pretty effing PROUD TO BE A PART OF IT, my children will be busy keeping me in check with reality. Just now, Asher showed me a booger on the end of his finger and asked what he should do with it. I told him I’m going to be published. He wiped the booger on my pants.

Reality is not glamorous. But being published is totally glamorous, so I think I’ll just sit here for a few more minutes and enjoy this moment while the baby pounds on my door.

(Be sure to visit Scary Mommy to see exactly why I am so excited! You can find my name in the list of authors … ! Tell your friends! #scarymommythanksgiving)

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