So, this happened.
I really thought the days of worrying about this were behind me, since Robbie got snipped last Spring. But, you know, sometimes weird things happen. Did you know that 1 out of 2,000 vasectomies fail?
This weekend we went to a beautiful wedding at the home of a lovely couple who have … wait for it … 10 children. Now, if you told me this and I had not actually met them, I would think to myself that clearly there is some mental instability at work here. I literally cannot wrap my head around the concept of 10 children.
But this family absolutely enthralled me. Their home was beautifully surrounded by huge oak trees like this one, which we sat right next to during the ceremony.
The house itself was warm and inviting and I very much wanted to sit down and just soak it all in. The children were well-behaved and normal, the parents were cool and seemed relaxed — again, mind blown. The mother was gorgeous. And thin. Of course.
After the wedding I found myself whispering to Robbie that it’s a good thing we can’t have anymore kids, because that entire experience made me want to have MORE OF THEM.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
We do not need more kids.
Anyway, I later realized that something was majorly amiss with me and my uterus. Then I made the mistake of Googling and went down a rabbit hole of wondering if we might be one of those 1 out of 2,000 people, which eventually led to the above-documented trip to Target.
I am not pregnant.
But if I’m being honest, this is the first time that the reality has hit that we are done. And while I do feel this is a responsible, smart choice on our part … it still saddens me. Just a little. What would it be like to have four kids? Or more? In a different lifetime, back when large families were common or even necessary, maybe I could have been that mother.
Robbie was right a very long time ago when we made our agreement to have a third child. He said, “I will agree to a third with the condition that it’s our last, because I know if one of us doesn’t get fixed you’re going to want a fourth and we just CAN’T do that.” He was right that I’d want another one, and right that having a fourth child would be irresponsible. Thank goodness for my sweet husband, who is smart and knows me well.
I seem to be afflicted with a sickness that makes me want to make more children, even though it doesn’t make sense and I am totally tapped out with the three that I have. I also loathe pregnancy. So, while I do acknowledge that this is all for the best, I am still saddened by the fact that we will never have another tiny Hobbs baby in this house.
Somewhere right now, Robbie Hobbs is breathing a deep sigh of relief.